If you’ve ever had your heart broken, you know how difficult it can be to find the courage to move on. One of the things that can make moving forward difficult is when you still have feelings for the other person. Memories can be tricky beasts, especially when you’re feeling lonely. Memories can remind you of all of the great moments and make you forget the reasons why the relationship ended in the first place. And loneliness can make you think that being in that relationship is better than being alone.
These thoughts and feelings can make you believe that maybe you’re not ready to move on.
How could you possibly open your heart to someone else if you still have feelings for your previous love?
Shouldn’t you wait until you no longer have any feelings for that person before beginning to date someone else?
When I lost my first husband, I honestly did not believe I would be able to love anyone ever again. I just could not imagine ever being “over” him. There wasn’t any reason for me to stop loving him, and, what’s more, I didn’t want to have to stop loving him!
When I met Ric, there was a moment where I wondered if it would be fair to him for me to continue dating him, knowing that I still loved and missed my late husband very much. Would I be leading him on? Would it be fair to him or myself to even explore the possibility of dating and getting to know one another?
When my sister, Michelle, ended the on-again-off-again dating pattern she had with Arnie, she knew she wasn’t willing to wait for him to make up his mind about whether or not he wanted to be in a relationship. She asked herself the same questions: Should I wait until I’m over him before dating someone else?
The answer?
No!
Thankfully, neither one of us chose to stop loving the man we loved before opening our hearts to someone else. In my case, it lead to experiencing 15 years of more love and happiness than I ever dreamed was possible!
For Michelle, it led to her meeting and dating another wonderful man. And when Arnie came back to her, asking her to give him another chance, she then had a choice regarding who she was going to choose to love, and she’s now married to Arnie and living in the relationship of her dreams!
Even if you still love someone else, putting your life on hold until you feel you’re over him only serves to keep you stuck right where you are.
Now, do I believe you should take some time to grieve the loss of the relationship? Yes, of course. You want to acknowledge your feelings for that person and grieve the loss of the relationship. But what you don’t want to do is keep putting your life on hold until you are completely over him!
Why?
Because, even though you may still love him, you need to love yourself even more!
Loving yourself more means that you can give yourself permission to continue loving and missing him while also giving yourself permission to open your heart to new love!
Trying to resist or ignore your feelings is only going to intensify them. Hence, the saying: What you resist persists.
So, rather than pretending you don’t love and miss him, you can acknowledge that you do and that you also love yourself enough to know that you deserve to be in a happy and fulfilling relationship with someone who loves you, too!
Once you allow yourself to feel what is there, then you can begin opening up to the possibility of meeting that someone new who will reciprocate your love and create a the type of loving relationship your heart truly desires.
And you can do it guilt-free because you’re not hiding your feelings from yourself.
As you meet and get to know new men, you’ll have new experiences, new moments of joy, new moments of feeling loved and cherished, and you may find that the feelings for your previous love getting less intense. And, while they may not disappear completely, it’s okay.
Your heart has an unlimited capacity to love. The more you expand it, the more love you are able to feel, experience, give, and receive.
So, if you’ve been putting your life and happiness on hold, waiting for your feelings for a previous love to disappear, grant yourself permission to continue loving him, and then choose to love yourself even more so that you can graciously welcome new and extraordinary love into your life!
Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
This weekend, I did one of the scariest things I’ve ever done in my life, and I learned a lot about myself!
As many of you know, my older son has Asperger’s Syndrome – a mild form of autism. Recently, we told him about his diagnosis and we have taken on really empowering him to try new things, stretch outside of his comfort zone, and have confidence in himself.
Well, as they say: Be careful what you wish for!
This Saturday, I woke up at 4:30am to drop my son off at the church where his Boy Scouts troop was leaving for a full week of sleep-away summer camp!
I can’t tell you how incredibly nervous, unsure of myself, and terrified I was. This was the first time he’d be away from us for more than 48 hours – and in a completely different state!
I wish I could say that I was the picture of grace and ease.
I wasn’t.
As much as I tried, I simply could not hold back the tears. My baby was going far away and I would not be there if he got hurt, scared, or did not know how to do something. I had to trust that he would be able to communicate to those around him when he needed help. I had to believe that he would be able to problem solve and help himself.
I felt completely helpless and afraid. And it was written all over my face (in big, shiny tears)!
Thankfully, there are other mothers in the troop who have been through this and they gave me their phone numbers, have been reaching out, texting and emailing me to see how I’m doing.
Now, as a relationship coach, I’m usually the one who is helping and supporting other women through their own fears, pain, and insecurity. When it was my turn to be on the receiving end of that type of love and concern, and I have to admit that it wasn’t very comfortable for me!
I noticed how I was trying to play it cool at first, not completely open to receiving their genuine concern and affection. It made me feel so vulnerable to let them see how afraid I really was.
I also noticed how I kept thinking it was “worse” for me, because my son has special needs. I didn’t think they could understand what I was going through because they hadn’t been through my experience. How could they possibly know what it was like?
Then there was a moment where I stopped and thought about you – the women who trust me to guide you from some of the most heartbreaking and frightening moments of your lives to a place of hope and happiness.
I thought about how you open your heart in such a beautifully vulnerable way, sharing it with me and allowing me to see into the deepest parts of it because you trust that together we can find a way to the other side.
Realizing this gave me courage to allow these women who I don’t really know very well, but who I see want to offer comfort and reassurance, to be there for me. I’m allowing myself to be guided and taken care of, and to learn from their experiences. I’m still afraid and unsure, but I’m trusting, receiving, and releasing control and it feels great!
The best part is knowing that I’m not in this alone!
So, what about you?
Are you ready to open your heart and allow someone to help you break through your own fears, pain, and doubt?
Are you ready to talk to someone who’s been where you are and can show you how to get to the other side, where extraordinary love is already waiting for you?
If you are, go ahead and click here to schedule a Ready to Love Session. During this call, we’ll look to see where you are currently in your love life, what is standing in your way of having the love you want, and how to get to the other side of it so that you can experience the love and life your heart desires!
Remember: You’re not in this alone. There is hope. And I’m here to help!
Schedule your Ready to Love Session now!
Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
Yesterday was not what I would call one of my “best days.” I felt as if everything was falling apart, and I couldn’t seem to get out of my funk!
I know myself well enough to know that when it seems like everything is coming apart, there’s either something I’m resisting, avoiding, or not willing to look at. So, when I felt myself getting on my own nerves, I decided to stop and look within, because that’s where change begins!
What I saw surprised me and led to a really big breakthrough for me, so I went for a 3-mile run, and midway, I shot this video for you because I know I’m not the only one who sometimes feels like everything — whether that means your love life, your career, your health, or all of the above — is falling apart!
I recorded this video from Mile 2 of the 3-mile run that almost didn’t happen. In this video, I give you 4 steps that will help get you to a place of empowerment whenever you feel like your life just isn’t working.
I truly believe this will make a HUGE difference for you (so much so that I was willing put aside my concern over my hair being a mess and being out of breath and covered in sweat on camera!).
If you agree, comment below letting me know what opened up for you inside of watching the video. I love hearing from you!
So, I woke up this morning not feeling too good, because I have a cold, was tired, and a little bummed about some things that had happened over the weekend. Basically, I had lots of “reasons” why today wasn’t a very good day to take a run!
After taking some time to really go within and stop blaming everything and everyone outside of me for what was happening, I decided that I needed to look to see what was stopping me. And one of the things that was stopping me was that I haven’t been doing my training – my running training – the way I promised myself I would. And I find that any time I am out of integrity with myself, everything sort of starts to unravel.
You may be feeling in your own life as if things are coming apart – whether that’s in your relationship, your lack of relationship, or your business or career – and you can’t quite figure out why everything is happening at once. So, I thought I take a moment to make this video and let you know that it can be that you are out of integrity in some area of your life.
Now, people have all type of definitions for what integrity is. Integrity is doing what you said you were going to do, simply because you said you were going to do it, and doing it without someone having to tell you to it or reminding you to do it, but just because you gave your word.
I’ve given my word to myself that I was going to get back in shape and I was going to train for a half-marathon. And I did great for my 5K, and then once that was over, I was like, “Okay, I did that part!” and I went out of integrity. So that’s impacting, not only my health, but it’s impacting places in my business and places in friendship, my family, and things like that are very important to me. And I’m just not committed to not having my life work and not having everything that my heart desires – and that means workability in every area of my life!
So, I want you to take a moment and I want to tell you what I asked myself and you can ask yourself these questions as well.
You may want to write this down or come back to the video.
What’s not working? Write down what it feels is not working in any area of your life. Start with your relationship, your health, your career, your relationships with other people (family, friendship, colleagues).
What’s missing? When something isn’t working – think of it like a recipe – it’s usually because you forgot something. You forgot toput something in. A lot of times, we may believe that what’s not working is something outside of ourselves – our boss, boyfriend, guys on the online dating site, a family member – but it doesn’t work to point outside, because you don’t really have control over those things or those people. What works best is to look inside is to ask, “What’s missing over here?” For me, it was integrity. Maybe for you it’s integrity. Maybe it’s real commitment. If you saw the blog post on Saturday, maybe what’s missing is committed action. Maybe what’s missing is forgiveness. Maybe there is a relationship that is not working because forgiveness is missing… or compassion… or fun! If your life is boring and you’re frustrated, what’s missing is fun!
What can I do to bring what’s missing? What can I do? What’s in my power, my control, to bring what’s missing? So, for me, what there was to do was to get my running shoes on, get out of the house in the 30 minutes that I had in the 30 minutes I had before having to go pick up my kids, and get to running! What’s it for you? What do you need to put in that’s missing?
What difference would that make in my life right now? For me, the difference that running is makes in my life right now is that I’m back in integrity with myself, that I had a little bit of time to talk to you, and that I look forward to hearing the breakthroughs that this video is causing in your life, because I believe will make a difference for those of you who are watching!
So, if this video did make a difference for you, go ahead comment below, and let me know what was not working, what was missing, how you decided you could put in that was missing, and what difference it made for you!
This is Gladys. Until our hearts meet again, always remember that you are loved!
I look forward to hearing from you! Good-bye for now!
I’m so excited! This week my husband booked us on a Disney Cruise – something I’ve been saying I want to do for seven years!
I’m seriously so excited I have no idea how I’m going to keep this surprise from my kids a minute longer!
Seven years is a long time to wait for something. There have been times when I thought it was never going to happen. I mean, we’d talk about going – a lot. We’d look at the dates and prices online, and talk about booking the cruise. We’d even set a date and then see that date come and go.
What was missing?
Committed action!
See, wanting to go on a cruise is not enough.
Talking about wanting to go on a cruise is not enough.
Even setting the dates and researching the prices isn’t enough.
To go on a cruise, you actually need to reserve your date and pay the price!
The same holds true when it comes to having the type of relationship you really want.
You’ve been waiting to be in a real, loving, passionate relationship for probably as long as you can remember.
Wanting to be in a relationship is great, but if you’re not out there, meeting new men and dating successfully, it’s not going to happen.
Talking about how much you want to be in a great relationship is not the same as knowing the skills it takes to make a relationship work.
Reading books, attending webinars, and bookmarking articles about how to have a successful, lifelong relationship is not the same as working with someone 1-on-1 who can help you identify what’s been stopping you from attracting the love you want and then help you create that relationship in your own life!
The only way to be in the relationship you want is to take committed action and begin creating that relationship now!
This is what I help women do in my private coaching program. In this program, I help you identify:
What’s stopping you from experiencing the love you want
What you need to do to remove those blocks
The steps you need to take so that you can finally have the relationship you want
Because of the high level of support and attention I give my private clients, I’m only able to accept a few women into the program at a time. Right now, the program is almost full, so, if you know that you’re tired of talking about the kind of relationship you want and you’re ready to take committed action toward making your dream a reality, then reserve a spot for a complimentary Ready to Love Session now!
Think about it…
Six months from now you could be talking about the relationship you’re in, instead of the relationship you want. I’d love to help you make that dream come true! Reserve your spot now!
After working on ourselves, trying hard to make changes, and not seeing the results we thought we’d have, we begin to wondering whether we should just stop trying so hard, throw in the towel, and give up on our dreams.
I’ve been there myself, and I know how painful and disillusioning it can be to think that what my heart desires just “wasn’t meant to be.”
When you have a big dream – the type of dream that moves and inspires you, that fills you up with joy at the very thought of it, and that you know in your heart it’s what you want more than anything else in the world – and it doesn’t seem to be happening, it can be heartbreaking.
In those heart-wrenching times, it’s easy to let your fears and doubts get in the way of your vision. It can feel like it’s easier to just let your dream go and walk away from it, rather than continue taking the steps that will lead you in the direction of making those dreams come true.
Maybe your dream is that you’ll meet the man who’s perfect for you, but you’re tired of dating men who aren’t interested in being in a relationship or with whom you just don’t feel a real connection. This scares you, and the little voice in your head keeps telling you that maybe you’re just not meant to be in a relationship.
Maybe your dream is about reigniting the love and passion you and your man once shared. But it’s been such a long time since you’ve felt that closeness, and you wonder whether the relationship was ever meant to be and if it’s even worth saving.
Maybe your dream is to go back to school, start a new career, or launch that business you’ve always wanted to have, but you’ve been too afraid to step away from what you’re already doing and from the salary you’re already making to branch off into something new. So you try to convince yourself that maybe you’re already doing what you were meant to do, even though in your heart of hearts, you know that simply isn’t true.
No matter what your dream is, if you’re thinking about giving it up, I’m here to tell you: DON’T!
There is a reason that dream was placed in your heart in the first place, and you owe it to yourself to do everything you can to make it come true!
There were times in the beginning of my marriage where I wondered whether I’d made a mistake and married the wrong man. I’d tell myself it would be easier to just be single again so that I could find someone else that I could make things work with. The truth is I was terrified to make the changes I knew could help our relationship because I was afraid he wouldn’t want to make it work, and then I’d feel rejected.
There have been times in my business where I’ve wondered if maybe it would just be easier to go get a job or do something else. While I knew in my heart that relationship coaching is what I was born to do, I was afraid to do the work it would take to reach out to new clients, that I’d something in a blog post or email that would upset someone, and that I might not be able to actually make a living doing what I love.
As scared as I was in both of these situations, the one thing I refused to do was give up. Why?
Because my faith in my dream was bigger than any fear that might show it’s ugly face!
A huge part of loving yourself is being true to yourself and honoring your heart’s desires. When you sell out on yourself and your dreams, you’ll never really experience the fulfillment you long for!
So, how do you push past the fear and keep believing in your dreams, even when things are not flowing, you’re not getting the results you want, or you have other people telling that maybe you should just give up?
You recommit.
You recommit to yourself and your dream.
You remind yourself that this is your dream, this is your life, and that it’s up to you to make that dream come true!
You find people in your life who believe in you and your dream and are willing to help you make it come true!
You remember that the dream in your heart was placed there by something greater than you and that this means that there IS a way to make it happen!
So, right now, take a moment and think about your dream.
Have you been taking the steps to push past your fear and make it happen?
Have you reached out to people who believe in you and who can help you in making that dream come true?
Have you made your faith in yourself and your dream bigger than your fears?
If you answered “No” to any of the above questions, I have another question for you:
Are you ready to recommit to your dream?
If you are, I first want to congratulation you and let you know that I’d love to be one of those people who will stand for and encourage you in helping it come true!
I also want to invite you to post it in the comments section of the blog and declareyour re-commitment to your dreamand one step you are going to take within the next 7 days to make it come true!
Something powerful happens when you are courageous enough to declare your dream publicly. It invites others to stand with and for you in helping them become a reality!
And, as always, I want to encourage you to let us know if there is any way we can help support you in taking the steps that lead you in the direction of your dreams!
Here’s to living a life of dreams come true!
Remember to post below your re-commitment and one step you’re going to take in the direction of your dreams!
I took some of my downtime this weekend to read through some of the articles and newsletters I subscribe to, and I was pretty amazed at how much emphasis some coaches are putting on having women focus on envisioning the type of man they’d like to attract. Now, before I go on, let me reassure you that I am a huge believer in being clear about what you want to attract into your life – especially your love life – so that you can actually experience it. But attracting a great guy into your life is not enough.
The issue I have with focusing only on the type of man you want to attract is that way too much of your energy is being focused outside of yourself, rather than inward, which is where you actually have control over what happens and manifests in your life.
Here’s the thing, I’ve spoken to hundreds of women who are dating, in relationship with, or married to some really great men and they are totally unhappy!
Why is that?
How can a woman attract a wonderful, loving, and generous man into her life and still be unhappy?
Well, one of the reasons is this:
Even if you attract a fantastic man into your life, unless you address the fears, thoughts and behavior patterns that have led to not having a successful relationship, chances are you’re going to self-sabotage your way out of the best thing that could ever happen to you!
See, you could be out there, dating a lot of interesting, intelligent, and commitment-minded men, but if you’re stuck in your head – in the fears, doubts, and resentment of the past – you will not be able to see or recognize what’s right in front of you. And chances are that you’ll resort to familiar thoughts and behaviors and wind up doing things that lead to ending a relationship before it even starts.
You can be dating or married to a wonderful man, and if you don’t know how to speak to him in a way that allows him to hear your feelings, you’re going to be left feeling unheard and like he’s insensitive and doesn’t care about you at all. This will lead to more arguments than you can count – until one of you gets tired enough to end things.
You can be in a relationship with a great guy, and unless you know how to say what you want without nagging, complaining, or criticizing him, he’s going to do one of two things: withdraw or resist. Neither of which leads to creating romance or intimacy!
You can be in a relationship that is romantic, exciting, and everything you ever hoped for at the beginning, and unless you know how to keep that spark alive, you’ll end up feeling bored, stuck, and left wondering whatever happened to that amazing man who swept you off your feet!
The fact is that if you continue doing the things you’ve always done, you are going to continue getting the results you’ve always gotten. It’s that simple.
Knowing how successfully date and be in a relationship, to communicate so that he can listen and respond to you, and how to keep love and romance alive over time takes a specific set of skills. And it’s not about simply knowing what these skills are but also understandinghow to implementthem so that you are consistently building a solid foundation for a relationship that can last for a lifetime!
So, while, yes, I invite and encourage you to envision the type of relationship you want to have and experience – to really allow yourself to picture it and feel what it will be like to be in it – I also encourage you to do the inner work and learn the skills that are going to have you not only attract a great man into your life, but create a beautiful, loving, intimate relationship that exceeds even your wildest dreams!
Because that’s the type of love you deserve!
On that note, I want to let you know that I’m in the process of interviewing single women and women in relationships who are interested in joining my 6-month coaching program that begins in June. If this is something you would like to learn more about, don’t put your dreams on hold any longer. Just click here and let’s set up a time to talk and create a plan for helping you make your dreams come true!
Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
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