You love a man. You’ve loved him for years, and you think he loves you, too. The only problem is he’s married to someone else!
So, what do you do?
Do you keep loving him from afar, waiting for him to end the marriage?
Do you go with your heart, ignore the fact that he’s married, and become “the other woman”?
These are tough questions, and the answers may be even tougher for the woman who sent them to handle!
If you or someone you know needs to know the answer to these questions, then click the image below and read the response I wrote to a woman who had these questions in InspireMeToday.com’s “Ask a Luminary” column!
I’ll be responding to questions and comments on that page, so make sure you leave me a comment!
As you know, this week is “Anniversary Week,” and in celebration of Ric’s and my 14 years of marriage, I’m sharing 14 of the secrets for making love last!
In the previous blog post, I shared with you the first 7 secrets.
Below I’m sharing 7 more of the biggest lessons I’ve learned on how to make the love in a relationship last and grow stronger over time!
7. Being vulnerable is a sign of strength, not weakness: For so many years I was in “survival mode,” just trying to get through this life. Inside of that view of myself and the world, I felt like I had to take care of myself, do things myself, and give off the impression that I had it all — meaning everything in and outside of my control – handled. When I started practicing being more vulnerable – asking for help, sharing my heart, allowing my husband to see all of who I really am (warts and all) – I learned just how much courage is involved in being vulnerable and trusting him to take care of me and my heart.
8. Your past is not a predictor of your future: I didn’t have very good role models for a loving, happy, intimate relationship. I saw, heard, and went through things as child that I wish no child would have to witness or experience. And, yet, I have created an amazingly beautiful relationship with my husband and my kids get to see what love and partnership look like every day (to the point where they beg us to stop being so mushy!). No matter what your past is, if can accept it and leave it in the past, where it belongs, you get to create the type of love and life your heart desires! You really can!
9. I’m 100% responsible for my relationship: Another myth out there is that a relationship is a 50/50 deal. Not true. I’ve come to learn that I am 100% responsible formy side of this marriage – regardless of what my husband chooses to do or not do. I can’t control him or what he chooses to do or say. I can, however, control my own thoughts, words, and the ways in which I choose to respond and react to him. Being 100% responsible is great, because if you can be 100% responsible for your part in the relationship when things aren’t going very well, you also get to take 100% of the credit when it’s going great!
10. Taking care of myself is not selfish: For too many years, especially after I became a mom, I saw my role as the giver and nurturer in my marriage and family. I felt “guilty” putting myself first, taking care of my needs, pampering myself, or doing things that didn’t involve my husband and/or kids. I’ve grown to learn that the most important relationship I have to nurture is the one I have with myself, and that, when I take the time to replenish myself mentally, physically, and spiritually, not only am I a better mother and lover, but I am also a much better version of ME!
11. All he really wants is to make me happy: For many years, I complained that my husband didn’t help me enough around the house or with the kids. I felt exhausted, unappreciated, and taken advantage of. I’ve grown to learn that one of my husband’s top priorities in life is not only seeing me happy, but making me happy. Inside of his desire to provide for and protect me is his desire to please me. It’s what gives him a sense of purpose inside of our relationship. I’ve also come to learn that seeing me happy makes him feel good, but he also likes knowing that he had something to do with the smile on my face!
12. Not everything that pops into my head needs to pop out of my mouth: I’m a well-educated and many times strongly opinionated woman. For many years, I thought that “good communication” meant saying everything I thought to my husband. Too many times I ignored or didn’t even consider the impact that those words were having on him, his sense of self, or the way he thought I saw him. My words caused a lot of damage in the beginning years of our marriage. Now, I choose my words and how I express them wisely. It’s not that I weigh and measure my words, or that I’m walking on eggshells. Instead, I choose to speak words that let him know how I feel and what I want without complaining. I choose words that lift him up, rather than tear him down. I choose words that bring love and intimacy into our relationship, rather than destroy or strip it away. My thoughts and words are powerful and create my reality, so I choose to create a reality that is completely overflowing with love!
13. I get to choose how to see things: Perspective is everything. I can choose to see the fact that the kids had popcorn and pizza for lunch as evidence that my husband is unable to care for them properly, or I can see them as his way of having a fun day with them so that I could go get my hair done in peace! I can choose to see the fact that he got me a gift that I wouldn’t have necessarily gotten for myself as him being selfish or not caring about or really knowing me, or I can see it as him having seen something that reminded me of him when I wasn’t there! I can see the fact that he wants to stay home and cuddle in front of the TV as him being boring, or I can see it as evidence that there is nowhere else he’d rather be than at home with me. I’ve grown to learn that if I’m going to tell myself something about me, him, and our relationship, I can choose to tell myself things that upset, frustrate, or sadden me, or I can choose to say things that help me feel happy, peaceful and grateful. These days, I choose love, peace and gratitude above all!
14. Keeping the love alive is a daily opportunity: Having a great relationship doesn’t “just happen.” Fourteen years of being happily married and feeling just as in love as we were in the beginning (if not more) doesn’t just happen, either. Keeping the love, fun, and passion alive means making choices every day that lead to nurturing and increasing them! Doing and saying things that demonstrate your love; laughing and playing together (both with and without the kids); and ensuring that sexual intimacy is fulfilling, satisfying, and enjoyable are all part of the daily opportunities we can create to keep our romance alive. So, kiss and hug him every day, flirt with him every day, and let him know that you love him every single day!
Yes, making love last takes work, but it doesn’t have to be “hard work.” Instead, it can be fulfilling, exciting and fun!
And, isn’t that what we dream of as we are promising to share our lives and our undying love for one another at the altar on our wedding day?
Ric and I just celebrated our 14th Wedding Anniversary!
Making it to 14 years of marriage is a pretty big deal. Making it there still feeling happy, in love, and like we are the two most blessed people in the world – well, that’s even more impressive!
I thought I’d make a list of 14 of the most important things I’ve learned over the past 14 years. There are a lot more, but these are some of my favorites, and the ones I believe have made the biggest difference in our relationship!
Many of these lessons were learned the hard way – through trial and error, mistakes, and some heartache. I hope you’ll be able to learn from my lessons and that they’ll lead you to experiencing as much, if not even more love than I am feeling today!
Here are the first 7 Secrets to Making Love Last:
Love is a choice: I’ve come to realize that love is not something that just happens. It is not a matter of luck. It’s a matter of choice. Each and every day, I can choose to love my husband and make today the day I live my wedding vows full-out! And, guess what the great part about this is? It’s that every day, my husband chooses to love me, too!
Forgiveness is a gift: Unfortunately, for many years I believed that forgiveness was something that needed to be earned. That, somehow, the other person had to do something to prove that he was worthy of my forgiveness. Thankfully, I’ve grown to learn that forgiveness is a gift that is granted. No matter what the other person does to try to apologize, make up for, or rectify what they did, in the end, I either choose to grant him forgiveness, or I don’t. It’s a gift I choose to give freely.
Men spell “love” R-E-S-P-E-C-T: Respect is important for a woman, too, but we tend to feel respected when we feel that he makes us a priority, cherishes us, and shows us with both actions and word how he feels. For a man, few things are more important than feeling respected, admired, and appreciated by the woman he loves. If he feels respect coming from her, he’s inspired to want to treat her with love, tenderness, and affection.
Gratitude brings more of what you want: Saying “Thank you” in a relationship is so much more than simply being polite. Letting him know that you not only noticed what he did – even if it’s simply recognizing his efforts – and then letting him know how much you appreciate inspires a man to want to do more for you. Inside of his need to provide for, protect, and please you, your gratitude makes him feel like he’s fulfilling his purpose in life (See #11).
It’s more important to be happy than to be right: Arguments will happen, even the best of relationships. It’s insane to believe that two completely different human beings will see eye-to-eye 100% of the time. During those times when you’re not in agreement, just ask yourself what I ask myself: “Do I want to be right, or do I want to be happy.”Sometimes, I’ll admit it, I want to be right. But even then, I choose to express myself respectfully (See #3). Most times, however, I know that my need to be “right’ comes from my ego, not my love. So, unless it’s something that goes against my values, or something I feel would put me in emotional or physical danger, I simply choose to let it go and allow love and intimacy, rather than righteousness, to be what reigns in our home!
He doesn’t want to sleep with his teacher or his mother: For so many years, I saw it as my role to be my husband’s instructor on how to become a better man, decision-maker, employee, and father. While my intentions were always to encourage him, I didn’t realize just how disrespectful and condescending I was being each time I tried to teach, correct, or improve him in any way. I’ve grown to learn that true love is unconditional, and that if I say I love my husband unconditionally, that means I love him just the way he is and just the way he’s not. I’ve also learned that the more respectful, appreciative, and forgiving I am (See #s 1-4), the more inspired he is to become the man he wants to be!
Being vulnerable is a sign of strength, not weakness: For so many years I was in “survival mode,” just trying to get through this life. Inside of that view of myself and the world, I felt like I had to take care of myself, do things myself, and give off the impression that I had it all — meaning everything in and outside of my control – handled myself. When I started practicing being more vulnerable – asking for help, sharing my heart, allowing my husband to see all of who I really am (warts and all) – I learned just how much courage is involved in being vulnerable and trusting him to take care of me and my heart.
Like I said, I’ve learned so many lessons over the years, and I’ll be sharing 7 more in the next post, so make sure you’ve subscribed to our list so that you can receive them in your Inbox!
Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
15 years ago today, I had no idea just how drastically my life was about to change!
It had been just under a year since my first husband had passed away, and I was beginning to feel like myself again. I had lost weight, started a new job, cut my waist-length hair into a short, curly bob, and was about to release my first solo single – a song I had written for my late husband.
A few nights earlier, after having been stood up by an emotionally unavailable guy who I had been heavily pursuing (yuck!), my friend and I went out dancing. I had a blast that night, dancing reggae, flirting, and feeling, not like “a widow,” but like a woman – something I hadn’t felt in a long time.
A really cute guy I’d noticed when I walked into the club came up and started talking to me just as I was getting ready to leave. I almost blew him off because I thought he was too young for me, but my friend commanded me to walk back over and talk to him because she hadn’t seen me smiling that way in over a year (so glad she did!).
We danced, he asked me for my number and called me the next day, when he got off of work. We spoke on the phone for 7 hours that night and he asked me out for the following night.
I can honestly say that I didn’t have any expectations for that evening. I was just excited to be going out on a date, having fun, laughing and feeling alive again.
I believe whole-heartedly that it was this lack of expectation and just being open to having fun that led to me having one of the most romantic and unforgettable evenings of my life.
A few hours into the date, he asked me if he could kiss me. Why did he ask? Because I’d given him the run-down the night before of all of my “rules”: no kissing on the first date, no sex before marriage, what religion he’d have to be, etc. – something I now know could have completely ruined my chances of ever getting to know him, simply because I was so afraid of getting hurt. Honestly, it’s a miracle he even asked me out on a first date!
I don’t know why, but when he asked if he could kiss me, I said, “Yes,” and I’m so glad I did, because that kiss literally took my breath away (I actually had to sit down!), and, 15 years later, I’m still waiting to exhale! (Yes, I still get butterflies when he kisses me today!)
The spot where we shared our first kiss!
15 years of loving and being loved by the same person is a pretty big deal! We’ve been through a lot during these years – ups, downs, and everything in between – but thanks to the skills I practice and teach, we’re still here, and our love is stronger than ever!
On Monday we’ll be celebrating 14 years of marriage, and I can’t tell you how amazing it feels to know without a shadow of a doubt that you are loved – not because you did anything to earn or deserve it, but because the other person simply chooses to love and accept you for who you are, exactly the way you are!
This is the kind of love I know every woman on this planet can experience.
This is the kind of love I have dedicated my life to helping women attract, create, and nurture.
This is the kind of love YOU can have, too!
No matter where you are right now in your love life – single and hoping to attract the man of your dreams, a romance that is just getting started, or in relationship that feels like it’s falling apart – know that you can have and are worthy of experiencing love every day, for the rest of your life.
Does it take work to have this type of relationship? Yes, it does.
Does it take knowing the skills that help you create love, passion, and intimacy that lasts? Yes, it does.
Can I help you learn these skills? Yes, I can!
It’s my mission, my passion, and my obsession in life to teach women around the world how to begin experiencing the lifetime of love their hearts desired, and I’d love to do the same for you!
If you’re ready to begin doing the work, making the changes that need to be made, and finally experiencing the love of a lifetime, contact me to set up a Ready for Love Session, and let’s get started right away!
The clock’s ticking, life is happening, and your love-of-a-lifetime is waiting for you!
This morning, one of my first thoughts was about YOU! Why?
See, today is July 7th, and it’s sort of my Independence Day.
Three years ago today I received a phone call that I had been dreading for years. My boss called me with someone from the HR Department on the line to let me know that they were eliminating my position. I wish I could tell you that I was the picture of grace and ease on that phone all, and I’d be lying to you if I said that. I was a mess! I was crying, begging, and pleading. I was trying to explain to them how my family really relied on my income, and it didn’t make a difference. They were simply eliminating my position.
What does any of this have to do with YOU?
Watch the video below to see how YOU became part of turning what I thought was going to be a nightmare into a series of dreams-come-true! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kxgw-7mEnN4
It wasn’t until several months later that I was able to see something that I hadn’t been able to see before. I was driving in my car, on my way to a woman’s business conference where I was speaking to women about how having a really great relationship requires us to be willing to take even bigger risks than the ones we take in our businesses, because we’re taking emotional risks. As I was practicing my talk, it was like one of those moments in a movie, where a ray of light comes and I was able to see what I couldn’t see before. That was that , on that conversation with my boss, where they had told me that they were eliminating my position, they actually had offered me another position. It was a position where I would be making the same amount of money that I had been making before, but I was going to be to traveling 80% of the time. I simply wasn’t willing to settle for that. I simply wasn’t willing to make that type of sacrifice.
Where all these months I had been saying that I’d “lost my job,” I saw in that moment that I had said, “No, thank you,” that I had walked away. I had claimed my independence from that job!
I also saw how it was in the weeks and months after that time, that I would share with people that I had lost my job, and they would say things like, “That’s Great! Now you can focus full-time on Heart’s Desire,” “Now you can do relationship coaching full-time,” “Now you can finish your book!”
And, every time somebody said that, I’d get so angry! (Even my kids were saying this!) But, you know, you’ve got to look at the signs in your life, and if enough people are saying the same thing, you might want to listen!
So I started to listen and I started to wonder, “What if I could really make this my career?” I had been saying for years that I wanted to do relationship coaching full-time but I couldn’tbecause of my job. I’d said it enough times, that God and the Universe heard me!
So I started to wonder, “What if I could do it?”
I started thinking of all of the women who I had worked with when I was doing this on the side, how they’d come to me hopeless, thinking that they were never going to be in a loving relationship or that they were going to be unhappy forever in their current relationships, and now they were living in the relationship of their dreams! If they were married, they weren’t just “happily married.” They were blissfully married to their husbands.
And I really started to believe that I could do this full-time.
And that’s where YOU came in! That’s why I thought of YOU this morning!
Because YOU – and, yes, I’m talking specifically to YOU – you’re part of my mission to have every single woman on this planet experience the joy of loving and being loved every single day of your life!
You’re what gets me up in the morning. You’re what I go to bed thinking about at night. It’s what I pray for. You’re what I work for when I don’t feel like going on anymore, because I’m tired! It’s knowing that this is my passion – that this my purpose – that keeps me going.
So, I just wanted to say, “Thank you!”
Thank you for being part of my purpose-filled life.
I also wanted to let you know that I have3 spots left in my VIP Coaching Program. This is a high-intensity program, where you work with me 1-on-1, and the whole purpose of the program is to take you from wherever you are – whether you are single or in a relationship – to where you want to be in your love life!
We take a look at your goals. We look to see what is it that has been stopping you from experiencing that level of love? What is it that has been blocking love from either coming into your life or manifesting daily? Then we create a plan and we work on it together.
So, in just a few months, you can be telling people about how your dream became a reality.
If that’s something that interests you, go ahead and click on the link below, schedule a Ready for LoveSession with me. We’ll see if this program is a good fit for you, and, if it is, we’ll get started right away on taking you in the direction of your dreams and making your heart’s desires a reality!
Thanks again for being part of my life. Thanks for letting me make a difference in yours, and until our hearts meet again, always remember that you are loved!
P.S. I settled for a long time in my previous job, afraid that I wouldn’t be able to make my dreams a reality. Don’t settle for anything less than extraordinary love. You don’t have to. I’m here to help you manifest it!
Just contact me to schedule a Ready for Love session, and we’ll get you started on the path to making your relationship dreams a reality!
This weekend we celebrated Independence Day in the United States. While I’m always grateful to live in this country, on July 4th in particular I am present to how incredibly blessed I am to have the freedom and opportunities available to me!
One of the truths about freedom is that it’s never “free.” Freedom comes with a price. There are millions of men throughout history who have fought for, stood for, and given their lives so that I could enjoy the freedom I have today to create the life my heart desires.
The same holds true when it comes to you and your life. Whether or not you live in the U.S., you actually have the power to break free from the past and create a new future where you are able to experience the love and joy your heart desires! But that freedom also comes with a price.
To create the type relationship your heart truly desires, you have to be willing to let go of a few things.
You have to let go of the stories you have been telling yourself about you not being worthy or deserving enough to experience that type of love.
You have to let go of the resentment, regrets, and anger that you’ve been holding onto and have kept you bound to your past.
You have to let go of fearand be courageous enough to trust and open your heart to love once again.
Once you let go of those things that have been holding you back, keeping you stuck, and blocking you from attracting and experiencing the type of love you want,there is FREEDOM on the other side!
Freedom from pain.
Freedom from fear.
Freedom from a past that no longer serves you!
So, if you are in a place in your life right now where you feel held back, held down, and unable to move forward, I invite you to LET GO and embrace the love, happiness, and freedom that are already waiting for you!
And we’ll be there to welcome you on the other side!
Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
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