What to Do When You’re “Too Busy” for Love
by Gladys Diaz
One of the great things about being a smart and successful woman is that you often have the experience of accomplishing your goals and dreams.
If there is one thing that I’ve found to be true about successful women is that we tend to set goals, create a plan of action to reach those goals, and make sure that we hold ourselves accountable to meeting those goals!
Then there is that wonderful feeling of satisfaction that comes with knowing that there was something you wanted and you did everything in your power to have it!
Priceless!
I wonder then, why so many successful women often feel that they are “too busy” for love. It seems as if everything associated with their professional “success” – finishing school, doing well at work, making more money – takes priority over having a happy, loving, fulfilling romantic relationship.
And it’s not only single women, by the way!
I’ve worked with way too many successful women who are either married or in relationships that either work their way right out of their relationships or are barely paying attention to what is happening in their relationships (usually, because the writing is on the wall that things are not going as well at home as they are at work).
Look, I’m not judging.
I’ve fallen into the very same trap where growing my business, finishing a project, or reaching my next goal took precedence over everything, including my relationship. The “busy-ness” of my business and achieving my goals had me choosing to spend more time working than snuggling on the couch with my husband, playing and having fun kids, neglecting to make time for myself, and just taking time to breathe.
And, while, I may have appeared “successful” to everyone around me, the truth is that when things are not working in my relationship or personal life, I don’t feel successful, no matter how much money I’m making, how many clients I’m helping, or how much recognition I get from my colleagues.
To me, real success is about being fulfilled in every area of my life. If even one area is being neglected, then I’m not being truly successful, because I’m sacrificing fulfillment in one area of my life for another.
Here’s what you need to know:
When it comes to being a successful women, there is never going to be a time when you’re not going to be busy or up to something big!
It’s just not who you are.
There is never going to be a time where you’re not growing, expanding yourself, or making a difference.
So, if you’re telling yourself that you have to wait until things calm down, or until you finish your next certification, or until you get your business off the ground, or until you achieve the next goal so that you can have time for dating or to work on your relationship, I hate to break it to you, but:
If you’re single, you’re simply extending the amount of time you’re going to be alone, without the support and love of a man who can champion you and help you during the tough times so that you can celebrate the big wins together!
If you’re in a relationship, by not giving your relationship the time and attention it needs, you’re simply ignoring the fact that things are not going to get better on their own. If things have been slowing fizzling or falling apart, ignoring the real issues is only making things worse. Wouldn’t you prefer to have your man by your side, cheering you on and supporting you, rather than pulling away from you?
So, what’s the solution?
How do you go about accomplishing what you need to accomplish in your career AND having an extraordinary love life?
Well, think about what you do when you want to achieve one of those ever-present goals in your career or business. What do you usually do? You create a plan!
Here’s how you create a plan to make your love life and your happiness a priority in the midst of a busy life!
1. First, you set an intention. An intention is set in the present and is aligned with your beliefs and desires.
What is the overarching, ultimate desire of your heart when it comes to your love life or relationship that you desire to have and experience NOW?
2. Second, you set a goal. A goal is a fixed outcome or set of results that you want to achieve in the future.
What is an outcome or result you would like to achieve in the future?
By when will you achieve this result?
How will you know that you have achieved it?
3. Third, you create a plan of action. What steps will you take that are aligned with your intention and the goals you have set.
What clear and specific actions can I take everyday to ensure that I am moving toward achieving my goal?
Any time you faced with making a choice or decision about what you will or will not do, ask yourself:
“Is this moving me closer to or further away from my intention and desired outcome?
4. Fourth, you create a way to hold yourself accountable. Accountability is KEY to achieving any goal. The challenge, however, is that you already know that you are prone to putting your love life on the back burner. It’s your default choice when you get busy. If it were that easy to do it on your own, you’d be doing it already, right?
So, the best solution is to have a coach or mentor – someone who already has the results you want and can help you work through what usually stops and gets in the way of you achieving this goal to help hold you accountable and support you when you feel like quitting or making excuses about how much time you don’t have for your love life.
The bottom line is, if you want to set yourself up for success, you need to make sure that you have an accountability system in place that includes someone who is NOT going to give you agreement that you’re too busy to focus on your love life. Anyone who does that is not standing for you to break through to the other side of this block and is only serving to keep you stuck where you are!
Who is someone who you can work with who will support, but not coddle or give you agreement when you begin making excuses and finding reasons to deviate from your goal and break your commitment to your intention?
5. Measure your progress. Measuring and celebrating your progress is what will have you consistently focused on achieving your goal. If you don’t give your love life or relationship daily time, attention and effort, please don’t be surprised when you are either still single by the goal date, or your relationship is in shambles.
You would NEVER leave an important goal or business deal “up to chance,” so don’t self-sabotage yourself and do that in your love life, either. Set yourself up for success and celebrate your successes every step of the way!
At the beginning of each day, set your intention for the day and the actions you will take to achieve your goal. Write them in your Love Journal.
At the end of each day, check to see which of the action steps you actually took.
Put a heart symbol next to each one that you were intentional about doing. Tell yourself, “Today I was 100% committed to having the happy, loving, fulfilling relationship my heart desires!”
Put a question mark next to each action step that you did not do. Ask yourself:
“What fear, action, or decision got in the way of me fulfilling on my heart’s true desire?”
Then move that action step to the next day’s list and hold yourself accountable to actually doing what you say you are committed to doing!
By creating a heart-centered intention to have a happy, loving, fulfilling relationship; setting goals aligned with that intention; designing a plan and taking action steps that are aligned with those goals; and creating a way to hold yourself accountable to fulfilling on your intention, each step you take and every choice you make will be taking another step closer to having the life, career, and LOVE your heart truly desires!
Remember, you don’t have to choose between a prosperous and fulfilling career OR having the an extraordinary romantic relationship. With the right plan, support and guidance, you can have EVERYTHING your heart desires and more!
yesterday we learned that she and her fiancé are having a baby boy!
