by heartsdesireintl | Aug 27, 2014 | Gratitude, Heart's Desire International, heartache, Loss of a Spouse, Love, Marriage, Relationship Advice
by Gladys Diaz
I’ve been going back and forth about whether or not to write this post, and I decided that, since it’s been on my mind so much, I need to.
Last Friday I attended the funeral of one of my very first clients. She was a young, vibrant woman who was into health and fitness, and left behind two beautiful teenage sons, and a loving husband.
When I first heard that she had passed away, I couldn’t believe it. She had done everything in her power to fight the cancer that was attacking her body, but never her spirit. She had thousands of people praying for and encouraging her. She was so loved that in just two days, her friends and family raised almost all of the $30,000 that was going to go toward helping pay for her to participate in a completely natural and holistic healing program.
Unfortunately, she passed away the day she was supposed to travel to the center to begin her treatment.
As I walked through a store the following day, I found myself hurrying to pay and get to my car because I knew I was about to break down in front of everyone. I just kept thinking about her and the time we spent working together when she attended one of my courses. I thought about how hopeless she felt at the beginning of the course. I remembered her sighing heavily and saying, “I don’t even know if there is hope for us” (referring to her and her husband’s marriage).
She wasn’t the “easiest” client. Almost every suggestion I made was met with resistance and a reason why it wouldn’t work for her and her husband. There were times when she felt hopeless, where she didn’t feel like doing the exercises I’d assign between sessions, and where I wondered if she would come around. I worked with her with loving compassion, because I know how scary it can be to get your hopes up when you wonder if things will ever really change.
Over the past five years we didn’t keep in touch very often, except for a few phone calls and commenting on and liking one another another’s Facebook posts. I did, however, always smile when she would post a picture of her and her husband. I’d observe their smiles, their eyes, and their body language. I could tell they were happy together, and it made me smile, too!
It was during that walk from the store to my car that it hit me that, while I hadn’t been able to do anything to stop the cancer from taking her life, because of the work we did together, she and her husband got to experience five more years together – five happy years together. I smiled through my tears as I realized that those five years may not have been possible, and that, instead of dying inside of a sad or broken marriage, she had left this world knowing that she had loved and been loved by her husband.
His eulogy of her was beautiful. He spoke of his wife, lover, and friend. He challenged us to live our lives as she did, trying to make this world a better place. Having lost my first husband, I couldn’t help feeling my heart break for him as I thought of painful days to come as he works through his grief and the reality of her not being here any longer begins to set in.
But I also thanked God that I had the opportunity to make a difference for him and his wife. That, in some small way, I was able to help them experience and share their love for just a little bit longer.
As I sat by the ocean after the funeral, thanking God for my husband and kids and the gift that it is to be alive and love and be loved by them, I thought about what her husband said about living our lives to make a difference in this world. I thought about all of the women I’ve worked with and who I’ve been able to make a difference for, and said a prayer of thanks for them. I thought about all of the women out there who haven’t had the courage to reach out for help as she did, and I prayed they’d find the strength to do so. And I thought about the difference there is still to make!
I don’t know where you are right now in your love life. I don’t know if you’ve begun to give up hope on whether you’ll ever be able to have the type of loving relationship you dream of and your heart desires. I don’t know what it’s going to take for you to gather the courage to reach out for support so that you can begin to make that dream a reality.
What I do know is that tomorrow is not promised and that continuing to wait, expecting for things to change on their own, isn’t going to have you create and experience the love and happiness you truly want.
So, just as I did that day by the ocean, I’m saying a prayer for you today and hope it moves you to take one step in the direction of your dreams.
And, as for my former client, I know that wherever you are, you are radiating love, beauty and joy. Thank you for allowing me to make a small difference in your life. I love and will miss you! Rest in peace and know that you are loved!
I sent this message to my community today and was overwhelmed by the emails that came in response — women sharing what opened up for them as they read the message.
What about you? Has anything begun to open up for you? If so, please share it with us in the comments below. We love hearing from you!
P.S. If you’re moved to talk and take that first step, you can always reach out and set up a time to talk with me so that I can help you get started on making your dreams come true.
by heartsdesireintl | Jul 31, 2014 | Communication, Dating, Forgiveness, Heart's Desire International, Infidelity, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Parenting, Relationship Advice, Romance, Self-Love, Sex
by Gladys Diaz
The other day, Michelle and I had a very powerful interview with Bill Weil for his “Conscious Couples Conversation” program.
In this interview, we dove deep and talking about some of the most common questions we get asked when it comes to relationships, including:
- The higher purpose of relationships
- The difference between how men and women define and experience love and respect
- The natural power women have to create and transform relationships
- The most common mistakes women make in relationships
- The essential ingredients for having a loving, intimate relationships
- The 3 R’s for keeping the love alive in your relationship
- How to have win-win arguments
And a lot more, including:
- An interesting story about the “twin connection” Michelle and I share
- How Michelle and I work together to coach women
- A beautiful excerpt from Michelle and Arnie’s wedding vows (so moving!)
Whether you are single or in a relationship, you will walk away from listening to this interview with a HUGE amount of information and inspiration for creating a loving, intimate, relationship!
Click the image below to listen to this POWER-FULL conversation!
Comment? Question about the interview? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
by heartsdesireintl | Jul 31, 2014 | Dating, Heart's Desire International, Love, Marriage, Relationship Advice, Uncategorized
by Gladys Diaz
I could barely concentratethis week, because I am so in vacation mode! We are about to leave on the cruise I’ve been hoping and waiting to go on for years, and then taking another week of vacation. Needless to say, I have been having a very hard time focusing on anything else but the fun I hope to have with my family!
Do find that the same thing happens to you when you are really looking forward to something that means a lot to you?
I call this being in a state of Hopeful Anticipation.
Hopeful Anticipation is a state where you are hopefully and happily looking forward to the future, and you are experiencing the joy around it, here and now, in the present!
Being in Hopeful Anticipation is different from having “an expectation.”
See, with expectations, you “already know” how things “should” look, sound, and be like. This leaves very little room for the possibility of being pleasantly surprised. So, what usually happens when things or people (namely men) don’t show up in that exact way is that you are left feeling disappointed, upset and disillusioned. All of the joy you were expecting disappears the moment things don’t show up exactly the way you thought they would.
With Hopeful Anticipation, on the other hand, you look forward to the future and are already envisioning and feeling the happiness you hope to experience. You are in a state of wonder – where nothing is set in stone or must show up a certain way. You are open to possibilities. And, even though you don’t know exactly how things will turn out, there is a sense that it will all be good because you are hopefully anticipating the best outcome.
It really is a wonderful and empowering space from which to experience life!
What if you were looking at your love life from a space of Hopeful Anticipation?
What if you were standing here and now, in the present – regardless of what the present circumstances are – looking forward to experience the loving, intimate, passionate and fun relationship your heart desires?
What if you were open to the possibility of meeting an extraordinary man who was imperfectly perfect for you?
What if you were looking forward to the relationship you are currently in being more loving, tender, and exciting than you ever imagined – no matter what it looks like now?
Stop for a minute and imagine: What would that be like?
Hopefully anticipating the best is not about “kidding yourself” or living in a fantasy world that is all in your head. It’s about actually moving through life with an open heart and mind, fully anticipating that what you hope for and dream of is not only possible, but it’s possible for YOU!
Perhaps you’re feeling some resistance to the idea of living in Hopeful Anticipation.
Maybe you’re afraid of getting your hopes up, only to have them torn down.
Perhaps you believe that it’s easier to expect the worse. At least that way you’re never really disappointed.
Maybe you don’t even know how to begin to think of the future with hope, peace and joy, given what you’ve been through.
Your thoughts affect your beliefs and your beliefs affect your perception of the world, men, relationships, and even yourself. The more you focus on your fears, disappointments, what you don’t have yet, and anything else that reaffirms those disempowering thoughts, the less likely you are to experience what it is you truly desire.
You are 100% responsible for creating both the life and love your heart desires. The more you focus on what you want, without driving yourself crazy thinking about how it must or should look and what needs to happen for it to come about, the more likely you are to attract and draw those things into your life.
Looking forward to life and love in a space of Hopeful Anticipation will give you that sense of peace and joy you are longing for.
So, let me ask you.
What is it that you really want to experience in your life, especially when it comes to love and relationships?
- Write it out.
- Don’t worry about it being “too much,” “too big,” or “too unrealistic.” For most people, being “realistic” is just another name for being “pessimistic”!
- Just think about what you want to experience. What would make your heart dance?
Now I have an invitation – a challenge, if you will.
It takes courage to acknowledge your desires and even more courage to share them with others. So, if you are feeling courageous enough, go ahead and post what you are hopefully anticipating to experience in your love life in the comments below! Not only will you be declaring this to yourself, but you’ll be sharing it with others who will be just as excited about it and pulling for you to experience it!
Can’t wait to read your comments and hopefully anticipate and look forward to a life overflowing with love, happiness, and wonder right along with you!
by heartsdesireintl | Jul 25, 2014 | Coaching, Communication, Dating, Forgiveness, Gratitude, HDI Blog, Heart's Desire International, heartache, Infidelity, Intimacy, Loss of a Spouse, Love, Marriage, Parenting, Relationship, Relationship Advice, Romance, Self-Love, Sex, Uncategorized
by Gladys Diaz
The other day, I was watching one of my favorite TV shows with my family and they were featuring a mother in her 40s who was almost 200 pounds overweight. She was beside herself with sadness and self-loathing because she said she had given up her dreams and could not believe how much she had let herself go after having been an athlete and gymnast in her youth.
Her reason for having gotten to this point?
Being a mom.
She shared how she had gotten pregnant in college and thrown herself into being “the perfect mom” and pastor’s wife. She described how she had put so much focus on being there for her kids that she’s lost herself and forgotten who she was.
I’d like to say this is an isolated incident, but it’s not.
One of the most common fears women share with us is that they are afraid of losing themselves in a relationship.
I work with women all over the world who are trying to prove that they are Superwoman or Supermom, doing everything, working themselves to the point of exhaustion, and ignoring their own needs so that they can please and impress others.
And this isn’t an issue that only affects mothers and wives. I also see women who are single and are throwing themselves into and losing themselves in their careers, giving all of themselves, their time and attention to their bosses and companies and leaving very little time or attention for having fun, dating, and just taking care of themselves.
Unfortunately, all of these women have forgotten that the MOST important relationship you will ever have is the one you have with yourself!
If you don’t take the time to care for yourself by making time to relax, laugh, play, nurture your mind, body, and spirit, you literally have nothing left to give – to yourself or anyone else!
Giving to the point of feeling depleted, mentally and physically exhausted –and many times resentful, because you feel you’re giving, giving, and giving without getting very much in return – not only leaves you unable to have the energy, patience, and enthusiasm to date or create a loving relationship, but also teaches people how to treat you. So it’s unfair to resent the boss who keeps adding things on your plate with no recognition or additional compensation, the PTA President who knows she can call you the night before to do a task that would take anyone else weeks, or your husband who is not helping you around the house or with the kids.
When you don’t take time to make time for yourself, don’t expect others to go out of their way to do that for you, either!
It’s essential that you do something for yourself daily. Whether it’s read a book, talk on the phone with a girlfriend, take that class you’ve been saying you want to take forever, or just sit and do nothing (one of my favorites!).
When you make your needs, dreams, and self-care a priority, you are letting yourself – and the rest of the world know – that you value yourself, believe in your dreams, and know that there isn’t a need to “sacrifice” what you love and makes you happy in order to be a great woman, partner, or mother.
You’ll also find that when you make yourself a priority, all of those people who you love and are trying to make happy will rally around you, be your biggest supporters, and help make sure you have time for yourself and to make your dreams come true!
As we were watching the show, my older son said, “Wow… She had to give up her dreams so she could take care of her kids? “
I responded, “No, she didn’t have to give up her dreams. She chose to. We get to create our lives and make our dreams come true. A woman can be a great mother, have a happy relationship, and still follow her dreams.”
His response?
“Oh, yeah, Mama. Like how you take care of us and you’re also helping your clients and building your dreams for Heart’s Desire!”
My response?
“Exactly!”
Comments? Questions? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
by heartsdesireintl | Jul 22, 2014 | Coaching, Communication, Dating, Forgiveness, Gratitude, HDI Blog, Heart's Desire International, heartache, Infidelity, Intimacy, Loss of a Spouse, Love, Marriage, Parenting, Relationship, Relationship Advice, Romance, Self-Love, Sex, Uncategorized
by Gladys Diaz
Yesterday was my husband’s birthday, and, at our house, I love making a big deal when it’s someone’s birthday by celebrating “Birthday Week.” During this week, the person gets to choose what we watch on TV, what we eat for dinner, and, basically is made to feel special all week long by everyone else in the house!
Well, Sunday night, I almost ruined Birthday Sunday for my husband. The boys had misplaced the remote control for the TV (again) and were arguing about it in the playroom. It was already late and past their bedtime, so my honey and I were ready for our “alone time,” so we could watch our shows and relax together.
When I saw that my husband was getting upset at the boys for arguing, I jumped in to “help.”
(Mistake #1 – Offering Unsolicited Help: Stepping in “to help” without there being a need or a request for it. This sends the message that you feel he is incapable of resolving the issue on his own. Instead, trust in your partner’s capability to resolve the situation himself. If he needs help, he’ll ask for it. By the way.. he probably won’t.).
The truth is that there really wasn’t any reason for me to jump in to “help.” My husband had the situation handled. I jumped in because didn’t want him to be upset with the boys (especially on Birthday Weekend) and I just wanted the arguing to stop. Now, even though these might be “good reasons” for stepping in, had I stayed on the couch and allowed him to handle things, it probably would have been resolved right away.
Instead, I jumped in and noticed that, the more I tried to “help,” the more angry he was getting. At first I thought he was angry with the kids, but, in retrospect, I can see that he must have felt like I didn’t trust him to handle the situation.
I did an exercise I do with the kids that helps them to remember where they last saw and held something, and, the remote was found!
(Victory #1 – Resolving the problem. This was short-lived, however, because of Mistake #2!)
Now, if I’d just left it at that, everyone would have felt happy, relieved, and the situation may have been over. However, for some reason, I simply had to make sure that I emphasized (rather loudly) that this is what you should do when you can’t find something.
(Mistake #2 – Proving I’m Right and You’re Wrong: This is an ego-driven need to prove the other person wrong. While there may be a sense of “victory” in having been “right,” essentially, there is no “winner” in this situation because your partner is left feeling as if he’s wrong or in some way “lesser than” you.)
Then, to prove my point further, as my husband was talking to the boys about them being responsible so that they don’t lose things, I butted in again to mentioned that things in the house don’t get “lost”; they simply get “misplaced.”
(Mistake #3 – Wanting to be “Right” AGAIN: This adds salt to the already-tender wound. By correcting or contradicting your partner, you once again disrespect him by pointing out how “right” you are. There is no demonstration of support or encouragement for your partner, which can leave him feeling upset and alone).
Well, that did it.
My husband yelled, “Okay, things in the house don’t get ‘lost,’ they are ‘misplaced! Is that better?’”
Now he was in an official funk…and so was I.
I was upset at myself for getting involved, sending the message that he couldn’t handle a simple situation, and that I was the one with the “right” solution. I saw how disrespectful and condescending I’d been. I was ashamed and angry with myself, especially since that’s not the way I am committed to treating my husband.
I wish I could say that I immediately apologized and that we were soon in a snuggly, blissful space, but that wouldn’t be true. It took me a while to get to the point that I could forgive myself enough to apologize to him. I made a first attempt to apologize, but I have to admit that it wasn’t very sincere. It came from a place of trying to “fix” things. I think he could tell, because he remained cold.
A little while later, I noticed it was past midnight (we always try to be the first to wish the other a Happy Birthday). I moved closer to him on the couch, looked him in the eye, and said, “I’m sorry I disrespected you, and I know you’re upset. I just want to say ‘Happy Birthday.’”
He leaned forward, we kissed, and I snuggled up next to him and said a prayer of thanks. (smile)
In the past, I wouldn’t have apologized. I would have made it seem like it was not such a big deal and then made him wrong (again) for not forgiving me right away. Now, even when it’s hard, I choose to apologize – because that’s something I can be responsible for – and give him space to work through his own feelings.
(Victory #2: Sincerely Apologizing. It’s not always easy to admit when you’re wrong. However, if you can put aside your pride and realize that what’s more important than being right, staying angry, or pretending like nothing happened is restoring the intimacy in the relationship, then you also recognize that it’s really a small price to pay. And now you’ve got a win-win situation going!)
Having a loving and intimate relationship isn’t about perfection. You may not always say or do the right things.
So what can you when you’ve made a mistake that impacts the closeness and connection in your relationship?
You can continue to focus on becoming your best self.
You can forgive yourself and ask for forgiveness along the way for those times when you don’t reflect the best side of yourself.
And you can recommit to restoring intimacy in your relationship.
In doing all of these things you can be confident that you are on the path to creating the happy, loving, intimate relationships your heart truly desires.
Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net
