by Gladys Diaz
I know it’s frustrating…
You put yourself out there, engage in back-and-forth texting until he finally asks you out on a date.
You go out and have an amazing time.
You don’t want to get your hopes up (again), but you think he has a lot of potential.
He asks you out on another date… and then another.
Now you’re feeling pretty sure that he maybe, might be the one…
You stop going on line.
You start reserving space in your weekend (just in case)
You don’t accept dates from other men (Why? You’re already planning your fifth date!)
And, after that… that familiar feeling of hurt and frustration.
I get it.
It’s easy to get excited when you meet a nice guy who is a gentleman, is making time to see you, calls between dates, and is fun to be with.
And it’s tempting to want to save space in your calendar, just in case he asks you out.
The problem is that, if you’re like most women, you make 3 big mistakes when you do this.
The first mistake is what we call “falling into a ‘pseudo-relationship.”
Because, as a woman, you naturally want to bond and connect with someone emotionally and physically, it’s natural for you to think you’re in a relationship, even if you’re not.
Trust me, when you’re in a relationship, you’ll know. You won’t have to wonder. The man will come out and tell you that he doesn’t want to see anyone else and that he’d like you to do the same.
Until a man says that, go by this motto: It’s not a relationship until it is.
The second mistake is becoming prematurely attached.
When you aren’t seeing anyone else, it’s natural to have the feelings for the one person you are seeing grow.
Even if you don’t know him very well, and even if you’re not really sure if you really like him, the fact that you are spending so much time together — the proximity, the amount of time and attention you are giving him — will have you become prematurely attached to him.
This has you waiting for his call, texting or calling him when you don’t hear from him, start to get nervous when Wednesday comes around and he hasn’t asked you out for the weekend yet… Sound familiar.
This is such a trap, and what happens is that you fall into making the third mistake.
The third mistake is getting upset when he doesn’t call or ask you out.
Remember the motto I mentioned above? It’s not a relationships until it is.
Until you are in a relationship with a man, he does not have to call or text you every day.
He doesn’t have to ask you out.
And (and this is the one that can cause the most upset), he can call, text, go out, and sleep with anyone he pleases.
You’re NOT in a relationship.
He doesn’t have to do any of those things, and it’s quite possible he is talking to and going out with several women.
Which is why we recommend you do the same!
Now, we’re not saying kiss or sleep with several men.
You can do that, if you choose (although I don’t recommend that).
What I am saying is that you can talk to, go out with, and have fun getting to know different men.
- You get to meet and have a great time getting to know several nice men at the same time.
- You avoid falling into a pseudo-relationship.
- You prevent getting too emotionally attached to someone you really don’t know and aren’t in a committed relationship with.
- And you avoid getting upset, feeling resentful, or putting any unrealistic expectations on a man who is not your boyfriend.
Which also means you avoid a lot of unnecessary heartache.
As much as I know you want to be in a relationship, trust me when I tell you that not attaching yourself or mistaking “dating” for a relationship is going to make dating a lot less frustrating and a lot more fun for you!
If you have any questions regarding how to be more successful in dating so that is a lot more exciting, fulfilling, and FUN, simply tell me your #1 question or challenge when it comes to dating.
I promise to reply and give you some straight coaching about how to avoid some of the traps of dating so that you can have more success in attracting the love you want!
by Gladys Diaz
The Most Important Relationship Skill Nobody’s Taught You
If you’re like most women we know, you’ve read the books, listened to the podcasts, joined webinars, and attended courses to learn what it is that it takes to “get a great man” or “get your ex back.”
There is absolutely no shortage of “rules,” tips, tricks, and strategies to “get a man” to choose and love you.
However, the very term of “getting” someone to do something implies that the other person doesn’t want to do the thing you want them to do.
Think about it… If you have to “get” someone to do something, that means that –
- there is something that the other person is resisting
- you are doing all the “hard work”
- there is not a natural flow or ease present – you are having to manipulate or force something to happen in order to get the result you want
I don’t know about you, but when I think about being in love with someone, I don’t want to have to work hard, AND I don’t want to have to force or convince him to want to love me.
So, how do you easily and effortlessly attract a man who can’t resist you and can’t imagine his life without you?
Well, the first thing you do is stop trying so hard to “get” love, and, instead, start tapping into your Irresistible Essence. This is the natural and innate power you have to attract to yourself anything your heart desires – love, prosperity, health – anything.
Due to all of the internal programming you’ve undergone over the course of your life, there are certain things you need to “de-program” or “unlearn” before you can learn the skill of tapping into your Irresistible Essence.
Here are just 2 of the ones that MOST impact strong, successful women:
The Danger of Being Independent
Today, more than ever before in history, women are efficient, capable, and empowered to do and have whatever they want on their own.
We have more opportunities than ever to climb the corporate ladder, have our own businesses, and do work that inspires and fulfills us. No longer does a woman have to depend on a man for her financial stability or survival.
While we still have a way to go when it comes to having true equality, we can’t ignore the signs pointing to the fact that the Dali Lama was correct when he said that the world would be saved by the Western woman.
The downside to this however, is that, inside of discovering that they don’t “need a man” to have the kind of life they want, many women have become so incredibly independent that they have lost touch with their desire to share their lives with a man.
See, there is a big difference between feeling as if you need someone to complete your life and wanting someone to share your amazing life with.
Being so independent that you deny the fact that you want to share your life with a great partner is a form of self-sabotage. While you have some of what you want, you simply won’t feel completely fulfilled if you are denying yourself one of your heart’s desires.
And when this is the case, you actually limit your potential for attracting and manifesting in the other areas of your life, including your career!
The Pretense of Independence
This obsession with being independent also creates a need to pretend to want or not want other things, as well.
For example, please explain why women continue to pretend to want to pay for their half of the bill at the end of a date?
If you’re 100% honest with yourself, you know you don’t want to pay that bill! So why are you reaching for your purse, asking him if he wants you to pay, and then judging him when he says, “Yes”?
Another example: Why do some women feel it’s necessary to pretend that they can do everything themselves?
Look, no one is questioning your ability to care and provide for yourself. No one is questioning that you are a capable, competent woman.
However, just because you are able to do it all yourself, doesn’t mean you have to prove that – especially not in a relationship!
When you are in a relationship, you switch from it being a “me” to a “we.” That doesn’t mean you lose your identity or autonomy. It simply means that, while you probably can do it all on your own, in a relationship, you don’t have to.
Plus, it’s okay to allow a man to court and cherish you. It doesn’t minimize your abilities or competencies. It simply allows you the pleasure of receiving his love, attention, and affection. Why would you want to pretend to not want that?
So, how do you continue being a successful woman AND tap into your Irresistible Essence?
The first step is to tune in and see what some of the fears are around admitting that sharing your life with a great man is something you really want. That takes courage and vulnerability, but as a strong woman, it’s nothing you need to be afraid of. It’s inside of your vulnerability and authenticity that your Irresistible Essence is unleashed!
Yes, embrace your talents, abilities, and successes. Celebrate them! You’ve earned it!
However, remember that, unlike at work, you don’t have to “prove” yourself in order to be loved by the right man. All you need to do is be yourself and allow him the pleasure of getting to know the woman beneath the unstoppable exterior so that he can love that side of you, too!
Without acknowledging the desire to love and be loved and creating space in your life and heart to allow that love to make its way to you, you are actually sabotaging your ability to easily attract it into your life.
And the only way to do that is to acknowledge the desire and then learn how to break down the walls of independence so that you can allow love and partnership to make their way to you.
Being both a strong and independent woman, and a woman who is confident enough to be soft and create an interdependent relationship with a man is empowering and a relationship skill you probably didn’t know you didn’t know.
The irony in this is that it’s one of the most important keys to creating and keeping a happy, loving relationship that fulfills and inspires you for a lifetime!
And, in your heart of hearts, isn’t that what you truly want?
If so, email us and let us know what your vision for having a happy, loving relationship is! We’ll personally respond with what we think your next best steps should be!