How to Be Part of the Solution

How to Be Part of the Solution

by | Jun 8, 2020 | Coaching, Forgiveness, Heart's Desire International, Love, Self-Love

by Gladys Diaz 

Today our message is a unique one. 

The past week has brought much heartache to our country and around the world. 

Massive amounts of fear are circulating – mixed with the emotions of frustration, anger and sadness. And all are understandable.

We aren’t pretending to know exactly what our People of Color (POC) brothers and sisters are experiencing. However, we do know that our hearts are feeling compassion, empathy and heartbreak for what is happening around us. 

You know our stand is love, and we want nothing more than to be part of the solution at this time. Our intention is to create connection, to listen, and to extend compassion and empathy to all. 

I read a quote from Elie Wiesel this week that deeply touched me. He says:

“We must take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented. Sometimes we must interfere. When human lives are endangered, when human dignity is in jeopardy, national borders and sensitivities become irrelevant. Wherever men and women are persecuted because of their race, religion, or political views, that place must – at that moment – become the center of the universe.” 

This is why now is not the time to say, “All lives matter.” 

Do all lives matter? Absolutely! But in this moment, RIGHT NOW, it’s the time to take a stand for the injustice against black people that has gone on long enough in our country. 

If you’re feeling anger by what others are saying or doing – feel your feelings. They are not bad or wrong and are completely understandable. Your feelings are your right and it’s important that you process them! 

After the feelings are processed is when you can then communicate powerfully and clearly so that people can hear what you’re saying. 

And, to be clear, we realize that rioting is happening, and we want to distinguish between “protests” and “riots,” and know that some people are collapsing the two.

Protests give people an opportunity to take a stand and join with others so that they have one voice. Riots, on the other hand, involve damaging people and property.

Now is the time to ask yourself: How can I be part of the solution? 

 

    • Listen to what is being shared. Just listen.
    • Ask questions, don’t assume. Seek to understand what is needed.
    • Educate yourself so that you gain more confidence in your ability to move forward in this. 
    • Put yourself in someone else’s shoes, take a step back and ask: “What would have someone be/react that way?”  
    • Write your Legislators!
    • Call and let your local Police Department know your stance. 
    • Take a stand for something.

What we can’t do is ignore what’s happening or wait for someone else to provide the solution. 

This is only going to get resolved when everyone comes together! 

This is our world, our community, and we get to take a stand for what we believe in. 

Our stand is unity and love. 

We may not get it right, but we are not going to stay silent. 

How about you? 

You can watch the Love Chat with the Love Twins covering this topic HERE. Click to watch!

Below you will find some of the resources we have been reading and using to help us create a better understanding of how we can be part of the solution.

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

by | Apr 24, 2020 | breakups, Coaching, Communication, Dating, Forgiveness, Heart's Desire International, Intimacy, keeping the love alive, Love, Marriage, Relationship, Relationship Advice, Self-Love

by Gladys Diaz 

Should I stay or should I go?

Have you ever asked yourself that question? 

If you’re asking yourself that, maybe a better question is: “Why am I staying?” 

Maybe he’s not showing up the way he used to. 

Maybe you’re not comfortable in the relationship and can’t be yourself. 

Maybe there’s a lot of drama in the relationship and it’s exhausting. 

Maybe it’s been this way for a long time and you know your life is passing you by. 

Why…? 

And by the way… this conversation doesn’t just exist when talking about relationships.

This conversation about being unclear or feeling “stuck” is relevant to just about any area of your life. 

Maybe you’re staying in a job you don’t like and that’s not fulfilling. 

Maybe your house doesn’t light you up or create the feeling of home. 

Maybe you feel stuck in your business or a friendship.

Where in your life are you just surviving? 

Where are you settling for less than you desire?

People stay in situations that are less than what they want because of FEAR. Fear of not knowing what the alternative will be like, if it will work out, and if they can handle it. 

Staying comfortable in something less than desirable feels better (or seems safer) than the risk of stepping outside of your comfort zone to create something different.

Can you relate? 

I know it was that way for me. I was married for over 12 years and at least the last three or four years of that relationship were spent knowing it wasn’t going to get any better. Did you hear me… four years!! I had major doubt that I could do it on my own, that I had what it took to leave and create something better. 

At that time in my life I was doing the same exact thing in my professional life. I was in a job that I hated. But I had a false sense of safety and wasn’t doing anything about it out of fear. 

Sound familiar? 

So… should you stay or should you go? 

First of all, if you are in a situation where you are in danger, where you experience moments of being afraid in your relationship, then there’s no question. You should go. 

No woman should ever be in a situation where she feels afraid. If that’s you, please reach out for support. 

Secondly, if you’re waiting for someone else to do something, or if you feel like you just can’t take the way things are for one more day, then it’s time to ask yourself, ”Why am I staying?”

The thing is this, most of the time, love is not what’s in question. 

We hear stories from so many women and the first answer is always “Because I love him” or “Because we love each other.” 

You can 100% feel that you love someone and not be in a relationship that is healthy, going somewhere, or what you really desire. 

What’s really in question is whether you love yourself.

Do you love yourself enough to have what you desire? 

And if you’re not clear on what you desire, do you love yourself enough to get crystal-clear about it so that you can find the courage to step out of what you’re settling for and open up the space for what you really want? 

After my divorce, and after I finally did the Heartwork to learn how to love myself, I was clear that I didn’t ever again want to be with someone that wasn’t 100% sure they wanted to be with me. When I finally created that clarity for myself, everything changed. 

Now for the question of whether you should stay. 

You should stay if you feel safe and if you have a desire to make things work. Even if right now, you’re the only one saying she wants it to work, there needs to be a desire to change things.

We’ve worked with women  who have completely redesigned their relationships. They have done the work on themselves in order to experience the relationship differently and create the relationship of their dreams inside the relationship they are already in.  

So, if you find yourself in the question of whether you should stay or go, then the time is now to take action. No amount of complaining, talking about it, or hoping that it’s going to change on its own is going to change anything. You have to take committed action! 

This is why we’re  so excited to be inviting you to the Extraordinary Love NOW Masterclass, happening tomorrow, Saturday, April 25th at 12pm Eastern! 

You will get training and coaching on your mindset, dating leadership coaching, ways of being, as well as relationship coaching, so that you can either step out or step further into the relationship you’re in to create the relationship of your dreams. 

Grab your spot for the Extraordinary Love NOW Masterclass here!

In the search for love, YOU get to choose! 

As you empower yourself with the right tools, you gain the power to create the relationship you really want and deserve.  

We’re here for you! 

How to “COVID-19 Proof” Your Relationship

How to “COVID-19 Proof” Your Relationship

by | Apr 13, 2020 | Coaching, Communication, Forgiveness, Heart's Desire International, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship, Relationship Advice

by Gladys Diaz 

Is his breathing starting to drive you crazy? 

Do you feel like you’re not getting any alone time?

Are you arguing about every little thing? 

We ask these questions a little lightheartedly because we know feeling these things right now doesn’t mean you don’t love your partner. It’s simply that the stress in your relationship may be rising as you’re being forced to spend more time together  than usual in what is probably starting to feel like a very confined space.

Also, with extra time and less distractions, the things you’ve been too busy or too distracted to address in your relationship are coming up. 

The pressure may be starting to rise, and you may be feeling like you’re about to burst! (Remember those old pressure-cookers? The way they would whistle louder and louder meaning it was getting closer to the exploding point? Are you beginning to feel like that?!?)   

You know, just the other day Arnie and I were having a conversation and I was starting to feel frustrated. It just didn’t feel like he was understanding my point of view and I was beginning to feel the pressure rising! 

The conversation was starting to get a little heated, but then I remembered… “What if he just sees it differently?” 

Remembering that people process information differently (especially men and women!) has the power to change everything. In those heated moments, it can be difficult to remember that , but it is so important! 

So, what can you do to bring the stress level down a notch? 

The different circumstances that we are all currently experiencing are magnifying the need to have good communication skills in place in your relationship, because, when you don’t have the skills you’ll either 1) withdraw from your partner, or 2) explode and word-vomit all over him! 

Neither of these things will lead to the loving, connected, supportive relationship you want to have with your partner.

When it comes to communication there are three very important things to remember. 

  1. What you say.
  2. How you say it. 
  3. The energy behind what you’re saying. 

Let’s focus on that third one. 

A large part of communicating effectively is thinking about how the message is going to be received. Now, you can’t control how the other person is going to hear what you’re saying, but you can be responsible for the intention and energy behind your words. 

Before you speak, ask yourself, “What do I want to create in the space between us?” 

Setting the intention of creating love, connection, and understanding before a heated conversation begins changes what happens during the conversation and the outcome drastically. 

The second thing you can do if you’ve found yourself having a stressful conversation with your partner is take a step back and talk about what isn’t working from a neutral state by using nouns and verbs. 

What does that look like? 

Saying “When you did ____________ it made me ___________” doesn’t work, because it immediately sets your partner up to defend himself.. 

Instead, when you say, “What doesn’t work is yelling” or “What doesn’t work is blaming,” it changes the conversation. Instead of getting defensive, you are both able to identify what isn’t working and shift it. 

And lastly, if things are getting heated and you’re not seeing a loving and productive way out of an impending blow-up, then call a time-out. 

Take a 5-10 minute break to think about what the other person is saying and feeling. Stay awake in your relationship and allow time to process your own thoughts and feelings before continuing the conversation, if needed.  

It’s also important to allow for disagreements. 

Like I shared in the example above, sometimes we are just going to see things differently.  You are two completely different human beings with your own thoughts, opinions, and beliefs.  Remember that many of those differences are the things that attracted you to one another, so allow for the disagreements, making respect a top priority in your communication, even when you don’t see eye-to-eye on something.

All of these communication skills work really well in romantic relationships, and you can also practice  them with everyone in your life. 

It is not enough just to know what to do.  As Tony Robbins says: Knowledge is only potential power., you get to do it. 

Knowledge only has the power to transform and make a difference when it is used effectively.  So, use these skills with your partner, with your kids, with your co-workers. 

We are all under pressure right now, and that doesn’t mean our relationships have to break down.

If you have a specific issue you’d like to discuss with your partner, and you’re not sure how to do it in a way that leads to more love and partnership, we’re opening up extra spots on our calendar to help you prepare for and have the conversation in a way that will lead to more love, connection, and partnership with the man you love. 

Simply click below and schedule a Love Breakthrough Session, and we’ll walk you through exactly what to say and do so that you can communicate and connect with your partner now.

Click here to schedule a Communication Love Breakthrough Session.

We are going to get through this, and we’re going to get through it together. 

Releasing Toxic Emotions and Feeling Whole Again

Releasing Toxic Emotions and Feeling Whole Again

by | Dec 13, 2019 | breakups, Coaching, Communication, Dating, Forgiveness, heartache, keeping the love alive, Love, Relationship, Self-Love, Success

by Gladys Diaz 

Are you really happy?

I ask because, many times women say they are happy when really, underneath, there are other things going on. This is so often what’s blocking them from finding love!

Now, I’m not talking about pretending to be happy. And I’m not saying that you can never be sad. Experiencing happiness, as well as sadness, are both parts of being human. As are feeling disappointed, jealous, angry, joyful, and apathetic. 

These are all human emotions. 

What I am talking about is when these emotions become your “emotional landing place” or your natural state. When feeling sad, angry, disappointed or apathetic become the place you seem to come back to, even after brief moments of happiness or joy, that’s when they’ve become “toxic emotions.” 

An emotion becomes toxic when you allow it to “settle in” and take home in your heart. When you have these toxic emotions that haven’t been worked through, they show up, and usually in ways you don’t like and that push love away. 

Last weekend, at our incredible 2020 Love Vision Event, we coached several women who were dealing with unresolved toxic emotions . When they were triggered, some shut down, others got visibly angry, some allowed the toxic emotions to take over how they reacted and responded, and others were unable to feel anything.  

And we coached them to feel, process, and release the toxic emotions. 

See, when a toxic emotion comes up, it’s usually triggered by a memory or thought of something upsetting.  The thing to remember is that it’s not the current situation that is “causing” the emotions to come up.  Those emotions are already there, under the surface, , so you must feel them so that you can then do the work of releasing them. 

So how do you release toxic emotions? 

1. Feel it. 

As I said, in order to begin the process of releasing toxic emotions, you must feel them. If you’re sad, cry. If you’re angry, punch your pillow. Allow the emotion to be present for a moment, so you can feel it. The problem comes when you bury it.

2. Process it. 

Ask yourself… “What’s causing this? What are the triggers? How is it showing up in other areas of my life? life? What impact is it having? 

Is it causing you to lash out? 

Are you relating to yourself a victim because of it? 

Is it causing you anxiety or depression or nervousness? 

Is it making it difficult for you to connect with people? 

Are people being able to notice the energy of the emotion that’s constantly around you? 

Another place to look to how toxic emotions  may be impacting you is in your body. As Louise Hayes taught in her book You Can Heal Your Body, our emotions have a way of showing up in our bodies. 

Have you suddenly gained or lost weight? Are you having unexplained aches and pains anywhere in your body? Are you having a hard time sleeping?  What is your body telling you? 

Also, look around you. Your life and your space are a reflection of what’s really going on inside you. Is your house a mess? Are you having a hard time keeping your desk organized? Do things seem to keep breaking around you? 

If you’re feeling like something’s off, do a personal inventory and ask yourself:  Where, energetically, am I in breakdown?  “What in my life is out of integrity?

These questions will help you take a self-inventory to see what’s actually going on beneath the surface.

3. Release it. 

Once you’ve  done the work to uncover and discover what is causing the toxic emotion and how it’s impacting you, you can then choose to let it go. You can release the emotion by seeing that you no longer need to experience this emotion.  Whatever triggered the emotion is usually no longer happening,  and you can choose to release it, rather than holding onto it and allowing it to consume you.

Happiness and lightness are what are attractive to others and what makes your body and soul feel good! We have emotions for a reason, and experiencing them is a human condition. 

The key is not being scared of them, wrapping yourself up in them, or indulging in them for too long.  Instead, allow yourself  to feel  them appropriately, process them, and release them so they don’t get stuck, become toxic, and stop you from having and experiencing the happiness and love your heart desires. 

If you’re dealing with toxic emotions and having trouble working through and releasing them, let us help you do the HeartWork to work and break through them.  You don’t have to let the toxic emotions rob you of the life and love you want.  And you don’t have to do this alone. Schedule a Love Breakthrough and set yourself free!

Yes, I want to break free from my toxic emotions!

Not Feeling Attracted To Anyone??

Not Feeling Attracted To Anyone??

by | Nov 22, 2019 | breakups, Coaching, Dating, Forgiveness, HDI Blog, Heart's Desire International, heartache, Love, Ready to Love Again, Romance

by Gladys Diaz 

Do you have a relationship from the past that you haven’t fully let go of? 

Is there someone that is still holding a piece of your heart?  

Maybe it wasn’t even a recent break-up, maybe it’s been two years, three years or even ten years ago, and it’s still blocking you from moving forward in love. 

If this is you, we hear you! It can be so frustrating when you want to run freely forward without anything from the past holding you back,  but just seem to be stuck. 

If this is you, we know that you want to get unstuck (otherwise, you wouldn’t be reading this right now), but you just don’t know how. 

The first step in letting someone from the past go is understanding how holding onto that person and relationship is impacting you now, in the present. Whenever there’s something from the past that’s still in your space, it won’t  allow you to move forward. 

And how else is it impacting you?

To uncover the impact the past is still having on you, first look at your results. 

What are you currently experiencing? 

Are you going on dates or are you holding back? 

If you are going on dates, are you enjoying the process? 

Look at your last couple of dates. Are there patterns that are presenting themselves? 

Is there something wrong with every single person you  go  out with? 

Are you not attracted to anyone? 

Do you feel disconnected, and, immediately during or after every date,feel like he’s definitely not the one?

No,  you’re not going to be attracted to or want to date  every single person you meet. It’s natural to not be interested in every single man you go on a date with. But, if it seems you aren’t feeling it for anyone then  you may be holding onto someone from the past.

Recently a client expressed frustration with this very thing. She said that while she’s dating, she finds herself comparing every single guy  to her ex. She said he was the best boyfriend and that it was the best relationship she’d ever had. I lovingly pointed out to her that it couldn’t have been “the best,” because they’re not together anymore, and that there was a reason for that. There’s a reason that it didn’t work out, and as long as she keeps romanticizing this past relationship and putting that man on a pedestal, she will never have space for the right man — the one who really will be the best!

Sound familiar? 

If you find yourself having this experience, it’s time to get curious. 

Ask yourself, 

What’s really going on here? 

Why am I not feeling connection? 

Why am I never attracted to anyone? 

What’s really holding me back?

Get curious  

You will start to discover your blind spots by saying, “I wonder…” 

“I wonder if I’m still holding onto the past?” 

“I wonder why I can’t let go?” 

“I wonder what that person represents for me?” 

“I wonder if I’m afraid to move on?”

When it comes to breakups, it  would be weird if you didn’t miss someone that you once spent time with, and it’s normal to take time to grieve. However, sometimes we think that the longer we grieve or the more time we stay stuck, the more validation we give to the relationship. But, how much more time do you want to waste staying safe and alone? 

It’s okay to love someone and let them go.

Letting someone go does not invalidate the love you shared with him, the memories you created together, who he is  as a person, or the lessons the relationship taught you.  

And, just because you shared an incredible love once, doesn’t mean you can never find it (or something even MORE incredible) again.

When I lost my first husband and then found Ric, I realized that there’s more than just one “The One.” There are multiple people on this planet that can make you happy and love you forever! 

But only if you are open to it. 

Only if you are willing to do the HeartWork to bring the past to a close, release it from your mind AND your heart, and open the door to welcome the new love that’s already waiting for you. 

I promise you, there’s a love out there that’s even bigger and better than that person from the past. Someone even bigger and better than you can even imagine. And someone who wants to spend his life with you!

Because of this, Michelle and I would love for you to join us for our 2020 Love Vision Event, happening in just a few weeks!

Click here to say good-bye to the past and create a new and lasting love!

At this event, we’ll be helping you to complete 2019 and step powerfully into 2020 with a crystal-clear vision for love that your heart deeply desires.

We’ll show you the exact steps and tools you’ll need to create and experience that love  right now! 

The process we’ll be taking you through is hands-on, experiential, and transformative. 

We’re going to help you create your Love  Vision, teach you HOW to actually live into it so you can create it in real life in 2020! 

The absolute truth is that in order to open up to a new chapter, you have to complete the past. You take what worked and what didn’t work about that past relationship, release your attachment to the person, take whatever serves you into the future, and let go of everything else.  

It’s time for you to let go of the past and open up to the love that is already waiting for you.

Click here to create the love you want in 2020!

Are You Ready To Get Over It And Move On?

Are You Ready To Get Over It And Move On?

by | Nov 8, 2019 | Coaching, Dating, Forgiveness, heartache, Love, Marriage, Ready to Love Again, Relationship, Self-Love, Success

by Gladys Diaz 

Is your past keeping you from having the future you desire? 

Are you unable to get over an ex, no matter what you do? 

Are you so afraid of getting your heart broken like you did last time, that you’re stopping yourself from being available? 

Are you scared that you’ll choose the wrong man yet AGAIN and end up brokenhearted and? 

Do you see how these are all fears that are being triggered by something you experienced in the past?  

If you don’t overcome your past, your past will be present in your present and impact your future.  Which is a shame, because your past is not a predictor, it’s an informer. 

What does that mean? 

It means that, just because you chose an abusive man in the past, doesn’t mean you will do it again. 

It means that just because your last boyfriend cheated on you and the relationship ended in massive heartache for you, doesn’t mean the next man will do this, too. 

Your past experiences don’t determine what you will continue to experience IF you do the HeartWork to replace the fears that created them. 

We all have fears. We are all humans walking around afraid of what someone else might do to us, worrying we may mess up, or that something might go wrong. Fear is part of the human condition. We can’t eliminate it, but we can learn to overpower it. 

The trick is learning how to break through any patterns of fear and anxiety that are stopping you from living the life and creating the future you desire.   

The crazy thing about fear is that the energy of fear is magnetic. When you are living in a space of fear around anything, you are energetically and subconsciously attracting that to you. This means that until you do the work to release the fear, you WILL continue to experience it. 

So how do you release fear? 

You can learn to release fear by going through our “In-the-Moment Fear Exercise. Trust us, making this exercise a practice you do all the time will change your life. 

Moment of Fear Exercise

1. Recognize what got triggered inside of you.

Realize this:  When you experience a fear, it isn’t  you that got t triggered, something inside of you got triggered —  a past experience, a fear, an anxiety that’s been developed over time. When that thing gets triggered, you can do 1 of 2 things. 

You can…  

a) Go into your automatic response of either blowing up or shutting down (it’s called fight or flight.  We’re sure you’ve heard of it.) 

OR

b) STOP and recognize that something has been triggered and then move on to step 2 in the exercise. 

Note: This acknowledgement happens in a split-second, so it does take some practice to gain the awareness to recognize the trigger in the moment.

2. Ask yourself: What just happened?

It’s important that you answer this question with only the facts about what actually happened, with no interpretation or analysis of the event(s) that just took place. It usually can be answered with as few as 3-10 words.  Anything longer is a clue that you making what happened mean something.

3. Ask yourself: What did I make it mean?

What did you decide it meant when that guy you just went out with didn’t call the next day? 

What did you make it mean when you saw your date going to the bathroom with his phone? 

Did you create the idea that because he didn’t call you it means you’re not dateable? 

Did you decide that because your date took his phone into the bathroom it meant he was texting another girl? 

The majority of the time, whatever is upsetting you, robbing you of your peace, and/or causing you fear is not what actually happened.  What’s upsetting you is whatever you made what mean — about him, you, them, it… everything!

4. Ask yourself: Is that what really happened?

Because our brain cannot tell the difference between what is actually happening and what we’re afraid might or might not be happening, this is the life-altering part of this exercise. 

When you take what you made an experience mean and compare it to what actually happened, you start to see reality and the fear disappears.  

 

Michelle was talking to a client the other day, and walking her through this exercise. A man had asked her what was wrong with her that she is in her 40’s and has never been in a long-term relationship. She made that experience mean that she is a failure in everything in her life, and that it’s never going to work for her. 

As Michelle walked her through this exercise, she did what we all do: find ways to justify what we’ve made it mean. “But I haven’t been in a relationship, so I am a failure!” “My business isn’t working right now, and it never will!. 

Michelle asked her, “Is ‘never’ happening right now?” “Does because it hasn’t’ worked mean it never will?” 

Of course, the answer to these questions is “no,” and once she saw that, she started laughing and her desire to continue the journey in her business and dating was renewed. 

What about you? 

What do you want to experience in your life? What if you took this exercise and put it into action, practicing it over and over until you shifted what you are currently experiencing? 

Overcoming your fears gives you POWER. It gives you absolute power to create anything you desire, in love and beyond. 

Because we desire this for you, PLUS so much more, we have put together an incredible Pre-Black Friday offer that you can grab now! This Love Power Pack includes tickets to our 2020 Love Vision Live Event happening in December, as well as some swag to help you always remember that you are a fierce, feminine, and fabulous and that you have the power to create your love vision NOW.  

Click here to learn more.

Have this be the last Christmas and New Years you spend alone? Come to this event and you may not even be alone this Christmas! How would that feel? 

Don’t let your fears and your past stop you from creating the future you want, including the loving, passionate, extraordinary relationship your heart desires!