One of the pillars of what we teach – something that’s absolutely fundamental to creating the passionate, intimate, connected, loving relationship that you desire – is having a crystal-clear vision of what you want.
And we mean crystal-clear. Not just kinda-sorta knowing what you want. Not just having a list of expectations of what your man must have. And not just having it written it down, but still not really believing that you can have it.
We’re talking about being able to see it, feel it, taste it, smell it, AND believe that it will happen.
Without that level of clarity, you will settle for what you think you can get.
We hear it from clients all the time,
“What if this is the best I can do?”
“What if I let this one go and have to wait another 10 years?!”
“What if what I want is unrealistic?”
“What if it’s just not possible for me?”
I was talking with a client the other day who was telling me about the beautiful vision she has for love. It was a vision of fun and laughter and connection and joy. hen, in the middle of describing it to me, she stopped, and said, “I know, it sounds crazy. There’s no way this is possible. It’s too much”
Was she asking for a man with 5 hands? No.
Was she asking for a man that owned 5 islands? No.
Was she asking for a man with 17 eyes. No.
Now, that is unrealistic (and a little absurd)!
As we dug deeper, we discovered that a childhood (and lifetime) of feeling like there was never enough and that she was always asking for “too “was the reason she had this limiting belief. She realized what it was costing her to continue holding onto the belief that what she wanted was too much and not possible for her, and she decided that it was time to break through it NOW!
Desiring to have a relationship that is full of fun and laughter and connection and wonderful sex — none of that is too much. Everything about that is possible, AND it’s possible for you.
Creating that vision and the reality of creating it comes from clarity.
Clarity asks the questions:
“What do I want to experience in the relationship of my dreams?”
“What am I going to bring to the relationship so that I can experience that?”
“How can I BE the love that I want to see?”
Clarity is not about knowing what qualities you want your man to have. It’s about knowing what you want to experience in the relationship of your dreams, and then BEing those things.
BEing the respect you want to experience.
BEing the love you want to receive.
BEing the fun.
BEing the passion.
And what does BEing look like?
Taking action. But not just any kind of action.
It means taking the kind of action that is aligned with your vision.
Having all the faith and clarity in the world will get you absolutely nowhere without taking action.
A vision without action is nothing but a wish. And wishing is not a real strategy for getting what you want.
Which is why we want to invite you to our 2020 Love Vision Workshop, happening in just a few days. We’l lbe walking you through a deep process to help you actually physically experience the clarity you are seeking.
But it won’t stop there.
You will walk away from the event, not just with a crystal-clear vision, but with a PLAN to carry it out. With the actual steps to make it a reality.
Because it IS possible for you to create the love that you want in 2020.
And, in case you’re thinking that 2 days can’t make a difference in what’s possible for you for 2020, I want to share this with you:
Let’s go back to Christmas of 1998. I had just lost my husband in September, and I felt like I was walking through a fog. The holidays seemed so empty without him. I felt alone, and it was hard.
Just one year later, Christmas 1999, I was in New York City but I wasn’t alone. I was celebrating Christmas with Ric and both of our mothers. I’ll never forget when he brought out my gift (a beautiful purse) and was fussing about how he hoped I would like it. When I opened it up, I found a beautiful, custom-made engagement ring inside! We’d talked about getting married, so that part wasn’t a surprise. But to have it happen then, on Christmas Eve, with our moms there with us, I was elated!!
SO much can change in just one year. The difference between Christmas 1998 and Christmas 1999 was just one year, but it was day and night for me!
Trust me when I say, everything you think can’t happen, but you dream might happen, CAN happen in just one year!
And it will, once you have the clarity and the action steps to create it.
Is your past keeping you from having the future you desire?
Are you unable to get over an ex, no matter what you do?
Are you so afraid of getting your heart broken like you did last time, that you’re stopping yourself from being available?
Are you scared that you’ll choose the wrong man yet AGAIN and end up brokenhearted and?
Do you see how these are all fears that are being triggered by something you experienced in the past?
If you don’t overcome your past, your past will be present in your present and impact your future. Which is a shame, because your past is not a predictor, it’s an informer.
What does that mean?
It means that, just because you chose an abusive man in the past, doesn’t mean you will do it again.
It means that just because your last boyfriend cheated on you and the relationship ended in massive heartache for you, doesn’t mean the next man will do this, too.
Your past experiences don’t determine what you will continue to experience IF you do the HeartWork to replace the fears that created them.
We all have fears. We are all humans walking around afraid of what someone else might do to us, worrying we may mess up, or that something might go wrong. Fear is part of the human condition. We can’t eliminate it, but we can learn to overpower it.
The trick is learning how to break through any patterns of fear and anxiety that are stopping you from living the life and creating the future you desire.
The crazy thing about fear is that the energy of fear is magnetic. When you are living in a space of fear around anything, you are energetically and subconsciously attracting that to you. This means that until you do the work to release the fear, you WILL continue to experience it.
So how do you release fear?
You can learn to release fear by going through our “In-the-Moment Fear Exercise. Trust us, making this exercise a practice you do all the time will change your life.
Moment of Fear Exercise
1. Recognize what got triggered inside of you.
Realize this: When you experience a fear, it isn’t you that got t triggered, something inside of you got triggered — a past experience, a fear, an anxiety that’s been developed over time. When that thing gets triggered, you can do 1 of 2 things.
a) Go into your automatic response of either blowing up or shutting down (it’s called fight or flight. We’re sure you’ve heard of it.)
b) STOP and recognize that something has been triggered and then move on to step 2 in the exercise.
Note: This acknowledgement happens in a split-second, so it does take some practice to gain the awareness to recognize the trigger in the moment.
2. Ask yourself: What just happened?
It’s important that you answer this question with only the facts about what actually happened, with no interpretation or analysis of the event(s) that just took place. It usually can be answered with as few as 3-10 words. Anything longer is a clue that you making what happened mean something.
3. Ask yourself: What did I make it mean?
What did you decide it meant when that guy you just went out with didn’t call the next day?
What did you make it mean when you saw your date going to the bathroom with his phone?
Did you create the idea that because he didn’t call you it means you’re not dateable?
Did you decide that because your date took his phone into the bathroom it meant he was texting another girl?
The majority of the time, whatever is upsetting you, robbing you of your peace, and/or causing you fear is not what actually happened. What’s upsetting you is whatever you made what mean — about him, you, them, it… everything!
4. Ask yourself: Is that what really happened?
Because our brain cannot tell the difference between what is actually happening and what we’re afraid might or might not be happening, this is the life-altering part of this exercise.
When you take what you made an experience mean and compare it to what actually happened, you start to see reality and the fear disappears.
Michelle was talking to a client the other day, and walking her through this exercise. A man had asked her what was wrong with her that she is in her 40’s and has never been in a long-term relationship. She made that experience mean that she is a failure in everything in her life, and that it’s never going to work for her.
As Michelle walked her through this exercise, she did what we all do: find ways to justify what we’ve made it mean. “But I haven’t been in a relationship, so I am a failure!” “My business isn’t working right now, and it never will!.
Michelle asked her, “Is ‘never’ happening right now?” “Does because it hasn’t’ worked mean it never will?”
Of course, the answer to these questions is “no,” and once she saw that, she started laughing and her desire to continue the journey in her business and dating was renewed.
What about you?
What do you want to experience in your life? What if you took this exercise and put it into action, practicing it over and over until you shifted what you are currently experiencing?
Overcoming your fears gives you POWER. It gives you absolute power to create anything you desire, in love and beyond.
Because we desire this for you, PLUS so much more, we have put together an incredible Pre-Black Friday offer that you can grab now! This Love Power Pack includes tickets to our 2020 Love Vision Live Event happening in December, as well as some swag to help you always remember that you are a fierce, feminine, and fabulous and that you have the power to create your love vision NOW.
Did you know there are specific behaviors that turn a man off – specific things you may be doing (maybe even unknowingly!) that cause men to shut down or turn away from you?
If so, listen up! Because this is important for EVERY WOMAN, whether you’re dating, in a relationship, or married. Don’t get trapped in the thought that now that you’ve “got him.” A high-quality man wants a high-quality woman, so always remember how important it is to BE the woman he fell in love with in the first place.
There are three behaviors that are like mosquito repellent to a man – they just shut him right down. So, lean in, listen up, and even if you’ve heard these things before, open up to what you might be able to hear or understand differently that might just change your love life.
Being Insecure or Needy
No one likes a needy person, right? But how do you know if you’re being needy?
“Needy” and “insecure” look like being DEPENDENT on the other person for your happiness, for your safety, your security, your confidence. It looks like NEEDING validation from your partner.
For example, are you waiting for him to call you before you can start your day? Are you waiting for him to compliment you in order to feel good about yourself? Are you constantly in a state of worry about how he feels about you?
When you show up this way, you start to feel like a burden or an obligation to a man. It’s repelling. Men (just like you!) want to feel inspired to do something, not required to do it.
So, what can you do instead?
First, you must be secure enough in yourself to know that your worth comes from within you. Without that, you will almost always show up as needy and insecure. If you recognize that you are someone that shows up this way in relationships, do the HeartWork and ask yourself, “Where is that coming from?” and “Why is it that I show up that way?” As you do, you’ll be able to uncover your limiting beliefs and begin to shift them.
Secondly, step back and provide opportunities for him to step in. Men like to feel needed and that they have a purpose. So, it’s not just about allowing him to help you or be there for you. It’s also about giving the space for him to choose to do so.
If you were at our event last weekend, you heard it straight out of our husbands’ mouths: Men hate it when women are dramatic!
Let’s fill you in on what being dramatic can look like, because, while being insecure and needy is pretty obvious, this one can disguise itself in many ways.
Maybe you’re not dramatic per say, but perhaps you look for things to go wrong. Or, when things are going well, you get bored and begin looking for things that are going wrong as a way to (dysfunctionally) create excitement in the relationship. Maybe you are always worrying that something is going to go wrong, or you overthink everything your partner says and does.
All of these behaviors create drama and impact the peace and flow of the relationship.
By engaging in this behavior, you don’t allow yourself to experience joy. So, what can you do instead?
Look for the things to be grateful for. Look for the things that are going right. Whatever you look for, you will find, so why not look for what’s going well? And, if you start to feel the pull for worry or drama, recognize it, feel where it’s coming from in your body, and make a conscious choice to shift into a higher vibration.
The third behavior that turns a man off is being controlling. Have you felt your partner pull away? Has he stopped sharing things with you? Have you stopped talking about the important things in your lives?
If this feels like what is happening for you, take a look at how you may be showing up as controlling because, like being dramatic, it can show up in ways you may not even realize!
Being controlling looks like saying, “How come you…?”, “Why do you…?”, “Why can’t you…?”, or “You should…” It might even sound like, “What I would have done is…” or “I really wish you would have…” When you’re constantly second-guessing your partner, you are actually questioning his ability to think for himself. And you can imagine how unpleasant that feels, especially when it’s happening all the time!
A more subtle way of being controlling is complaining. When you complain, you do two things:
1) you show up as dramatic (and we already went over that one!), and
2) you emasculate your partner by making him feel like he’s not capable of pleasing you.
So, what can you do instead?
Bite Your Tongue. Does this mean you lose your voice in the relationship? Absolutely not! It means that you choose the words you say wisely. When you feel like questioning his decision, instead say, “I see you’ve given this a lot of thought.” If he asks what you think he should do about something, instead of jumping in and telling him what to do, say “Well, what were you thinking?”
Men want to know that you support them and trust them. Show them that through your actions and words, and your relationship will be golden!
You get to choose to take information and either have it make a difference in your relationships or not. Remember: Information doesn’t make the difference. It’s in the application or practice of the information that the transformation takes place.
So, if you have a specific pattern or behavior that you’re beginning to recognize is sabotaging your dating or your relationship, let us know so we can help you dismantle and replace it!
We want you and every woman to have a happy, loving healthy relationship so that you are having the experience of loving and being loved every day of your life.
So, if anything is standing in the way of that, hit reply to this email and tell us which of the 3 repelling behaviors is most impacting your relationships, and we’ll give you some next steps you can take to create a shift in your love life RIGHT NOW.
by Gladys DiazIs your life telling you something?If you want to know, just look at your past and your present.The lessons we most need tend to repeat themselves until they are finally learned!And, if you want to know where the patterns of your life begin, just notice your thoughts.The average human being has between 12,000 and 60,000 each day!Unfortunately, 80% of those thoughts are negative and 95% of them are the same exact thoughts you had the day before (and sometimes decades before!).So, if 80% of your thoughts about dating, love, relationships, or your partner are negative, then is it any wonder why you don’t have the kind of loving relationship you desire?Now, before you start beating yourself up (or deleting this email) because of that last sentence, hear me out.I know you’re not intentionally choosing to block love from your life.A lot of these pervasive and repetitive thoughts are happening subconsciously.Think about how difficult it can be to break a bad habit. Although you know that eating an entire bag of chips while watching TV or procrastinating working on a big project, or not organizing your receipts before tax season are all things that will eventually have a negative consequence, you still eat the chips, spend hours on social media, and telling yourself that you’ll organize those receipts tomorrow.Or, even though you know that sleeping with a guy too soon rarely turns into a solid, committed relationship and that you’re going to feel hurt, used, and disappointed (again) if you sleep with him, you tell yourself that “This time might be different.” You put aside your boundaries and values for a few moments of pleasure, even thought you know things are probably going to turn out the same way again.Another example is holding onto a relationship you know is not going anywhere or that is simply not right for you. Even all the signs are pointing to “This is not it,” you keep holding on, hoping things will change, even though you know in your heart of hearts that it won’t.Why do you do that?Because the human brain is a creature of habit and you will hold on to what you know – what’s familiar – even though you know it’s stopping you from having the kind of loving relationship and life you really want.So, the negative consequences reinforce the negative thought patterns, until you start relating to them as “the truth, and eventually find yourself giving up on your dreams. So, how do you break this vicious cycle?You learn how to transform your mind so that you can create new results.You learn how to completely break apart those thought patterns and replace them with new ones – but not simply through “positive thinking” or “positive self-talk.”You learn how to truly go into your subconscious and uproot the thoughts that have been creating real barriers to you attracting and having the love you want.Listen to your life. It’s telling you something.It has been for a while now.Stop ignoring the signs that what you’ve been doing simply isn’t working for you.You can choose to continue repeating the same thoughts and actions and creating the same results. If you do, there’s a huge chance you’ll regret it and then wonder why things simply never worked out for you.Or you can choose to break through and break free from anything that’s standing between you and having the love you want.It’s only in letting go of the past that you can create space in your mind, life, and heart to welcome in new and extraordinary love.As Rumi said, “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”You can have the love you want.You simply have to let go of what hasn’t worked so that you can have what your heart most desires.Are you ready to let go of what isn’t working so that you can have the love you want?If so, click below and schedule time to talk with one of us. We will help you identify what your major Love Barriers have been and give you a step-by-step plan for letting them go so that you can have the love you want!Click to talk with one of us!
The Most Important Relationship Skill Nobody’s Taught You
If you’re like most women we know, you’ve read the books, listened to the podcasts, joined webinars, and attended courses to learn what it is that it takes to “get a great man” or “get your ex back.”
There is absolutely no shortage of “rules,” tips, tricks, and strategies to “get a man” to choose and love you.
However, the very term of “getting” someone to do something implies that the other person doesn’t want to do the thing you want them to do.
Think about it… If you have to “get” someone to do something, that means that –
there is something that the other person is resisting
you are doing all the “hard work”
there is not a natural flow or ease present – you are having to manipulate or force something to happen in order to get the result you want
I don’t know about you, but when I think about being in love with someone, I don’t want to have to work hard, AND I don’t want to have to force or convince him to want to love me.
So, how do you easily and effortlessly attract a man who can’t resist you and can’t imagine his life without you?
Well, the first thing you do is stop trying so hard to “get” love, and, instead, start tapping into your Irresistible Essence. This is the natural and innate power you have to attract to yourself anything your heart desires – love, prosperity, health – anything.
Due to all of the internal programming you’ve undergone over the course of your life, there are certain things you need to “de-program” or “unlearn” before you can learn the skill of tapping into your Irresistible Essence.
Here are just 2 of the ones that MOST impact strong, successful women:
The Danger of Being Independent
Today, more than ever before in history, women are efficient, capable, and empowered to do and have whatever they want on their own.
We have more opportunities than ever to climb the corporate ladder, have our own businesses, and do work that inspires and fulfills us. No longer does a woman have to depend on a man for her financial stability or survival.
While we still have a way to go when it comes to having true equality, we can’t ignore the signs pointing to the fact that the Dali Lama was correct when he said that the world would be saved by the Western woman.
The downside to this however, is that, inside of discovering that they don’t “need a man” to have the kind of life they want, many women have become so incredibly independent that they have lost touch with their desire to share their lives with a man.
See, there is a big difference between feeling as if you need someone to complete your life and wanting someone to share your amazing life with.
Being so independent that you deny the fact that you want to share your life with a great partner is a form of self-sabotage. While you have some of what you want, you simply won’t feel completely fulfilled if you are denying yourself one of your heart’s desires.
And when this is the case, you actually limit your potential for attracting and manifesting in the other areas of your life, including your career!
The Pretense of Independence
This obsession with being independent also creates a need to pretend to want or not want other things, as well.
For example, please explain why women continue to pretend to want to pay for their half of the bill at the end of a date?
If you’re 100% honest with yourself, you know you don’t want to pay that bill! So why are you reaching for your purse, asking him if he wants you to pay, and then judging him when he says, “Yes”?
Another example: Why do some women feel it’s necessary to pretend that they can do everything themselves?
Look, no one is questioning your ability to care and provide for yourself. No one is questioning that you are a capable, competent woman.
However, just because you are able to do it all yourself, doesn’t mean you have to prove that – especially not in a relationship!
When you are in a relationship, you switch from it being a “me” to a “we.” That doesn’t mean you lose your identity or autonomy. It simply means that, while you probably can do it all on your own, in a relationship, you don’t have to.
Plus, it’s okay to allow a man to court and cherish you. It doesn’t minimize your abilities or competencies. It simply allows you the pleasure of receiving his love, attention, and affection. Why would you want to pretend to not want that?
So, how do you continue being a successful woman AND tap into your Irresistible Essence?
The first step is to tune in and see what some of the fears are around admitting that sharing your life with a great man is something you really want. That takes courage and vulnerability, but as a strong woman, it’s nothing you need to be afraid of. It’s inside of your vulnerability and authenticity that your Irresistible Essence is unleashed!
Yes, embrace your talents, abilities, and successes. Celebrate them! You’ve earned it!
However, remember that, unlike at work, you don’t have to “prove” yourself in order to be loved by the right man. All you need to do is be yourself and allow him the pleasure of getting to know the woman beneath the unstoppable exterior so that he can love that side of you, too!
Without acknowledging the desire to love and be loved and creating space in your life and heart to allow that love to make its way to you, you are actually sabotaging your ability to easily attract it into your life.
And the only way to do that is to acknowledge the desire and then learn how to break down the walls of independence so that you can allow love and partnership to make their way to you.
Being both a strong and independent woman, and a woman who is confident enough to be soft and create an interdependent relationship with a man is empowering and a relationship skill you probably didn’t know you didn’t know.
The irony in this is that it’s one of the most important keys to creating and keeping a happy, loving relationship that fulfills and inspires you for a lifetime!
And, in your heart of hearts, isn’t that what you truly want?
If so, email usand let us know what your vision for having a happy, loving relationship is! We’ll personally respond with what we think your next best steps should be!
If you’ve invested time and money in personal development and spiritual programs that help you shift your mindset, and you’re still not experiencing significant shifts in your love life or relationship, I want to ask you a few questions.
Before you invested in this mindset program did you:
Know how to date successfully so that you aren’t wasting your time, love, or energy?
Get trained in the differences between the male and female brain and how we are wired differently?
Learn and master proven relationship skills that ensure long-lasting love?
Master effective communication that allow you to express yourself in a way that has your partner hear and respond to you in a loving way?
Have the opportunity to consistently practice these new skills so that you mastered them and avoided repeating old, self-sabotaging dysfunctional and painful patterns in your relationship?
If you answered “no” to even two of these questions, then you have the answer as to why you don’t have the kind of love you want.
See, no amount of personal work is going to change what happens in your love life or relationship when you don’t actually know and use the skills that create AND sustain lasting love.
You can be confident, think positively, meditate and pray, speak positive affirmations to yourself, visualize, and plaster your walls with vision boards, and this will only get you so far.
It’s like filling your refrigerator with a bunch of healthy food, joining a gym, and buying a ton of cute workout outfits but never prepping your meals or getting on the treadmill — your body and weight are notgoing to change one bit until you stop thinking and visualizing and start taking COMMITTED ACTION.
The same is true when it comes to your love life.
Thinking positively and visualizing what you want can help you begin to set in motion attracting the relationship you want, AND you still need to have the right skills and know the right steps to take so that you can take the right ACTIONS that give you the results you really want.
Like anything else you have ever accomplished that you became masterful at, having a great relationship requires a specific skill set. It just does.
You simply can’t get there by mindset alone.
Having the right mindset AND skill set are both essential, yet too many women keep trying use one without the other. And it simply doesn’t work.
So here’s the deal: It’s time to get committed to learning what it takes to have a real loving and intimate relationship.
One that fulfills you; has you feeling truly loved, accepted, and supported by a high-quality man; and where you know how to keep the love, passion, and intimacy alive for a lifetime.
Enrollment for our next round of our Ready to Love Again (for single ladies) and Keeping the Love Alive (for women in relationships) is closing soon, and we are inviting women who are seriously committed to transforming themselves and their love lives into the community.
You must be someone who is ready to commit to investing in yourself, be willing to be coachable, and do BOTH the inner work as well as learn and apply the skills that will make this transformation happen for you.
These are the programs where our clients learn how to remove and replace the Love Barriers that have been stopping them from having the love they want.
These programs are where you’ll learn how to combine the mindset work with effective and proven dating (if you’re single) relationship and communication skills that will have you experiencing more fun, love, and ease in your relationship.
These are the programs where so many of our clients FINALLY learn the skills that give them the confidence AND ability have and live in the loving, intimate relationship of their dreams!
And these are the programs where you’ll see why nothing else has worked before.
You’ll permanently remove the barriers that are keeping you stuck and finally have the love, life, and happiness your heart desires!
If you know this is you, then reach out.
We are committed to you having the love you desire and deserve, and if we don’t think the program is a good fit, we’ll be honest and give you some recommendations, but we won’t make you an invitation to join.
We’re not going to “sell” you, and we don’t need to, because we only work with women who we feel are ready for to succeed in the program (and their love lives), and our clients’ results really do speak for themselves.
We’re here to work only with the truly committed woman (in actions, not just words) — the woman who already knows that you’re ready to have the relationship you have been dreaming of, and you’re tired of waiting for it to “just happen,” because you KNOW you’re worthy of and ready to receive it now.
Does that sound like you?
Are you feeling it in your body right now — something that is pulling you forward?
Then let’s talk.
We’ve got limited time on our calendar to speak this week (No, that’s not a marketing tactic. We’re busy, just like you are!), so if you’d like a spot, shoot us an email and tell us a little bit about your love life or relationship and what your challenges are right now.
You’re probably doing a lot of things right now that might help you get the love you want, but you may be focusing on the wrong things or doing them in the wrong order. THIS is what we can help you sort through so that you are moving in the direction of your dreams!
Having the right mindset AND the right skills is the key to succeeding in any area of your life. If you’re truly committed to doing the work to learn BOTH so that you can finally have the happy, loving relationship you have always dreamed of, send us an emailand let us know what that looks like for you and what challenges you’re having right now. We’ll set up time to talk and tell you exactly what will make a difference NOW!
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