by heartsdesireintl | Sep 17, 2013 | Communication, Heart's Desire International, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship, Relationship Advice, Romance
by Gladys Diaz
Being a relationship coach is one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. There is absolutely nothing better than helping a woman who has given up on love begin to break through the fears, doubts, and limiting beliefs that have been stopping her from allowing love to find her. It’s so fulfilling to watch someone meet the man she’s been waiting for all of her life and see them building a life of dreams together. Perhaps my favorite part is that inevitable moment when she calls to tell me they’re getting married and how she really thought this would never happen for her! It’s one of the few times I love being “right”!
As with anything else, even being a relationship coach has its down side sometimes. Many of the calls I get are from women who are giving up on love, not because they are single, but because they can’t seem to figure out what went wrong and what they need to do to make their marriage work. It’s heartbreaking to hear them talk about how great things between them and their husbands used to be and how difficult things are now – constant bickering; very little, if any, intimacy; and feeling lonely, even though they are in a relationship.
The worst part is that this is a pretty common conversation. I receive these types of phone calls and emails all the time from women asking, “What happened?” “Where did the love go?” “Is there any way to get it back?”
Thankfully, when a woman reaches out to me, it’s usually because she’s ready to begin turning things around. Even if she’s still at the point where she’s blaming him for the state of their marriage, if she’s reaching out, I know in my heart that there is a very good chance that, if she’s willing to do the work, she’ll be amazed at how quickly her experience of being married is going to change!
But why is it that a happy, loving, peaceful romance can sometimes turn into a war zone? How is it that the same two people who at one point could not imagine living the rest of their lives without one another can get to the point where they can’t be in the same room without insulting and tearing each other down? And, more importantly, is there any way to prevent this from happening or turn things around?
Let’s take a look at some of the reasons why some marriages don’t last and what can be done to prevent this and Keep the Love Alive in your relationship so that it can last for a lifetime.
Thinking that great marriages “just happen.”
I don’t know if we should sue Disney or the authors of every fairy tale and romance novel ever written, but this idea that happily ever after just happens, is an illusion! Nothing that lasts or that is of importance – one’s health, wealth, or success in any area of one’s life – lasts without putting time, effort, and, at times, money into it. Take shows like Extreme Weightloss or The Biggest Loser, for example. Even after those people go through 6 months to a year of intense training, changing their eating habits, and living an entirely new lifestyle, and lose hundreds of pounds, there is absolutely no way for them to maintain that new body if they do not continue exercising, eating healthy, and making the right choices for their bodies.
So, why is it that we think relationships are any different? Even if you have the most romantic, loving, and intimate relationship, unless you make it a point every single day to nurture the love and respect in that relationship, there is absolutely no way that it will be able to sustain the curveballs that life throws your way: illness, loss of a job, death of a loved one, or everyday stress. It’s only when we make our relationships a priority in our lives and give them the time and attention they deserve that we can begin solidifying the foundation and continue building on the love that we have in the beginning of the relationship.
Getting too comfortable.
I’m not going to lie, I’m glad I no longer have to worry about if I’ll ever be married or have the family I always dreamed of. There is a sense of peace in knowing that you’ve attracted the man who has promised to love you for the rest of his life. But I have to be conscious about not taking this blessing for granted. However, I see way too many people who have gotten comfortable in their relationships and are no longer trying to make them fun and romantic. They settle into being busy, being parents, and – if they can tolerate one another – becoming friendly housemates. But the passion, romance, and fun that used to be in their relationships are nowhere to be found. They begin to feel bored and grow apart.
Again, if you want to have a relationship where love, fun, and romance are present, rather than waiting for your partner to bring fun, love, and romance into the relationship, it’s going to be up to you. In other words, you need to choose to be the love you want to see and experience in your life.
Not believing that things will change.
Another reason many marriages do not last is because, when things begin to change, or it begins to seem as if the romance is beginning to fade, people get scared. They get scared that they won’t be able to turn things around and that things will continue to get worse. They’re afraid that their partner doesn’t want the relationship to work. And the fear has them not even try – it actually paralyzes them, and they will pretend everything is fine, ignore the situation, and not take the steps they can take to recommit, reconnect, and restore the intimacy in their relationships.
It can be scary to think that the relationship you promised to be in for the rest of your life is coming apart. But, if you remember nothing else from this article, remember this: You have the power to create the relationship your heart desires. It is entirely up to you. And, while you may not know exactly what you can do right now, know that help and support are available, and it is absolutely possible to have the love, intimacy and romance you want.
Michelle and I are passionate about helping women restore the romance in their relationships. This is why we are hosting the “Keeping the Love Alive” Workshop on September 21, 2013. In this half-day workshop, women will discover:
- How to continue becoming the best version of yourself
- The keys to communicating in a way that has him hear what you are saying
- The practical things you can do each day to keep the romance alive in your relationship
- How to give your husband what he wants more than anything else (and it’s probably not what you’re thinking!)
This workshop is for you if you are:
- In a committed relationship that you are hoping will lead to a happy marriage
- A bride-to-be who is ready to learn how to make your marriage a romance that lasts for a lifetime
- A happily married woman who is interested in taking your marriage to new levels of love, passion, and intimacy
- A married woman who wants to discover how to bring the passion and romance back into your marriage
So, if you’re ready to begin infusing your relationship with more love, passion, intimacy, and fun that you can stand, join us on Saturday, September 21, 2013 from 10:00am – 1:00pm!
Location:
Italy Today
6743 Main Street
Miami Lakes, FL 33014
Cost:
$45 pre-sale / $50 at the door
BOGO with a friend! Buy 1 ticket and get the second one for 50% off! $67 Pre-sale / $75 at the door
Click here to register now!
**Be one of the first 10 women to register after reading this post, and we’ll enter your name in a raffle to win a great date night gift!**
If you live outside of Florida, and you’d like support, contact us so that we can work with you to help you create the relationship you deserve and your heart desires!
Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net
by heartsdesireintl | Jul 26, 2013 | Dating, Heart's Desire International, Love, Marriage, Relationship
by Gladys Diaz
We have such exciting news to share with you!
As you know, we’ve been sharing a lot about how you can create your own love story and make your dreams come true! (If you weren’t able to join us for the very special call we had on Wednesday, check out the information below regarding this Sunday’s encore call!)
Whether you are single, in a relationship, or married, the fact is that you get to be the author of the love story that is your life! The first, and most important step, however is believing that you can experience the relationship of your dreams.
That’s why we’re so excited about a new project that we’ve been invited to participate in by a very talented photographer and visionary who has experienced the power of the Law of Attraction in her own life!
During a course she took earlier this year, Melisa Caprio learned how powerful Positive Affirmations can be in making goals and dreams a reality.
She wrote her dreams as Affirmations…
…and they started coming true!
Being the generous person she is, she didn’t want to be the only one experiencing these miracles in her life, so she began thinking of a way to help others manifest their own dreams. She came up with the idea of using her love of photography to help people visualize what they wanted to manifest in their lives by creating Postcards that they could then “send” to the Universe!
And this is where YOU come in!
A friend and client of ours shared with Melisa the work Heart’s Desire does and how it helped her to manifest her relationship. Melisa was inspired and has invited us (that means you, too!) to create Postcards from the Universe that affirm what you want to experience in the relationship of your dreams!
If you participated in one of the “Creating the Relationship of Your Dreams” teleclasses, you created some powerful affirmations about the relationship you would like to experience. What better way to declare your intention for having the relationship you’ve always dreamed of than to shout it out to the Universe?!?
Melisa is going to collect your postcards and create an original piece she will be showcasing at an upcoming art gallery opening! The piece will be titled “Heart’s Desires” and will be made up of all of our Postcards to the Universe! Your postcard may even be selected to be included in her upcoming book!
Isn’t this a creative and inspiring idea? Just imagine…all of our affirmations and dreams coming together to create a beautiful and original masterpiece that is all about LOVE!
All you need to do is head over to Melisa’s website and either select an image from her Postcard Gallery or make your own original Postcard using a photograph, drawing, painting (be creative) that depicts your dream relationship! Then, on the back, write a Positive Affirmation that really captures what you want to experience in your relationship, like:
“We are loving, passionate, and generous with one another.”
“We communicate openly and honestly, and trust one another completely.
“We share our lives, our bodies, and our spirits with one another.”
“We celebrate one another’s victories and encourage one another during difficult times.”
These are examples of Gladys’ Positive Affirmations for continuing creating the relationship of her dreams with her husband! Now you want to search within your heart to discover what it is that you want to experience in your dream relationship and put that on the back of your Postcard!
If you were on Wednesday’s “Creating the Relationship of Your Dreams” Teleclass and created a statement affirming what you want to experience in the relationship of your dreams, go to the Postcards to the Universe page and create your postcard now!
If you weren’t on the teleclass, make sure you listen to the encore calls that are being offered this weekend, do the exercises, and write a beautiful Postcard to the Universe.
The directions and additional information about this project can be found on Melisa’s website.
Now, here’s the deal, if you want your Postcard to the Universe to be considered as part of the Heart’s Desire masterpiece, you must submit your Postcard via post mail by Thursday, August 7th! So, don’t wait!
Create the relationship of your dreams, send your Postcard to the Universe…Then, simply enjoy the process of watching it manifest in your life!
Join this life-changing call and begin living the life and love of your dreams!
Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
Photo courtesy of Melisa Caprio, Postcards to the Universe
by heartsdesireintl | May 14, 2013 | Dating, HDI Blog, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship, Relationship Advice, Romance
by Gladys Diaz
I came across this quote by Miguel Ruiz today and I had to smile! I often wonder if the angels are eavesdropping on my conversations when things like this happen!
See, I was coaching a client yesterday who was sharing what she wants to experience in her relationship. She was telling me that she worries some times because she sees that many of her married friends and family members have lost the passion, excitement, and romance has worn off, and they just seem to be “comfortable” with one another.
I explained to her that love, passion, romance does not have to die, dwindle, or fade away. While it’s true that love changes as we grow together in life, this does not necessarily mean that it begins to go away. It is possible for love, intimacy, and passion to deepen, rather than dwindle, over the years.
Intimacy is made up of thousands of little moments – conversations where we share our deepest fears and wildest dreams; moments of intense physical, spiritual, and emotional connection, where we have the experience of actually being one; silly moments where we’re laughing so hard we can’t catch our breath; and painful moments where we help one another stand and make it through to the other side of disappointment or grief. It’s through our shared life’s experiences – the simple and complicated, through good times and bad, for richer or poorer, and in sickness and in health – that our love can grow stronger and deeper than ever.
So, why is it that some couples manage to keep the love alive in their relationships and others don’t, and what can you do to keep the romance alive in your own relationship?
The answer may seem simple, but it’s profound: Love grows stronger through practice.
Just as the athlete grows stronger, the artist grows in her craft, and the dancer becomes more graceful through practice, so do we become better at giving and receiving love through practicing our love.
No matter how much an athlete wants to win, how much the artist wants to improve her artistry, or how much the dancer wants to glide effortlessly across the stage, without practice each of them will either stay stagnant or regress in their skill level.
Practicing love means being willing to listen, rather than always trying to be heard. It means being accepting and forgiving, compassionate and understanding. It means allowing the other person the freedom to be who he or she is, without trying to control, fix or change him or her. Practicing love means allowing the other person to be there for you, to support and love you. And practicing love means setting the intention every day to love a little more deeply, fully, and profoundly.
Love doesn’t have to dwindle and passion and romance do not have to fade. When we make it a point to make each new day – each new moment – an opportunity to practice loving and being loved a little more than the one before, the love, intimacy, and passion we feel for one another will grow stronger, deeper, and more fulfilling than we ever dreamed was possible!
Comments? Questions? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net
by heartsdesireintl | Apr 17, 2013 | Love, Relationship, Success
by Gladys Diaz
If you ask people to define “success,” you’ll probably hear a lot of different definitions, examples of it, and feelings about what success really means. One of our core beliefs at Heart’s Desire International is that women deserve to have it ALL! That means that we believe that success is about feeling happy, fulfilled, and empowered in every area of your life — business/career, physical and spiritual health and well-being, AND your love life!
This is why for the past several years, Heart’s Desire has partnered to help make the Women’s Success Summit a success! This year, I have the honor of serving on the Board of Advisors, and, since I have the inside scoop, I can honestly tell you that this is going to be the BEST summit to date!
Over the years, many of our clients have either met us through or attended the Women’s Success Summit with us! Why? Because “success” isn’t just measured by your career achievements, the size of the business you own, or the salary you make. True Success comes from having everything your heart desires — in life, business, and your romantic relationships!
So, if you are ready to spend 2 days surrounded by some of the most successful and amazing women in Miami, learning about how to take our lives and businesses to new levels of success, then join us at the Women’s Success Summit VII!
Use the code HeartsDesire when you register and save 20%!
Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net
by heartsdesireintl | Jan 28, 2013 | Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship, Relationship Advice, Romance
By Gladys Diaz
I love it when my husband pulls my chair out for me, gives me his jacket when I’m cold, and walks around the car to open my door. I love that we still dance in the kitchen (sometimes to no music at all), that we love to gross our kids out by smooching all the time (as you can see in the picture above), and that he can still make me laugh until I can’t catch my breath. I love watching him work out, catching him staring at me (or my butt), and when we look across a room at each other and connect, as if no one else there.
And I love that it’s still this way and I still feel like his girlfriend after almost 14 years! The fact is I love that I’m still dating my husband!
The phase of dating and courtship can be a fun and exciting. Getting to know someone new, going out and having a good time, and allowing him to shower you with time and attention makes the first stages of the love journey exhilarating. Unfortunately, many people believe that once you’re in a long-term relationship the fun begins to fizzle and the sex loses it sizzle.
The good news is that this does NOT have to be the case! In long-lasting relationships where both people are happy and still very much in-love, even after several years – and even decades – of marriage, you can bet that one of the main ingredient in that couple’s recipe for happiness includes FUN!
Now, don’t get me wrong. Great relationships don’t “just happen.” It’s not that some people are just “lucky.” It’s not about two people just “clicking” and everything just falling into place on its own. No. Great relationships take work, but the work doesn’t have to be “hard,” and it doesn’t even feel like work when you’re coming from the place of doing what it takes to keep your love alive.
So, what are some things we can do to keep the fun and love alive in our relationships?
- Remember. Remember why you fell in love with him in the first place. List out the qualities that you loved and admired. There’s a reason you chose to spend your life with him! If your relationship is in a stage right now where it’s hard to remember those times, take out old photo albums of when you were dating and let them jog your memory!
- Relive. Sometimes, a great way to relive and re-experience those moments you shared when you first started falling in love is to visit the places you visited in the beginning of the relationship – restaurants, vacation spots, the place where you shared your first kiss or where you made love for the first time. Go by yourselves on a date and relive the memories of those times together!
- Relish. It’s easy to fall into routines and begin to take things – even your spouse – for granted. Every day, take a moment to really be present with your spouse. Whether it’s stopping one another to hug in the hallway, making time to talk after the kids are in bed, or just holding one another before you get out of bed in the morning (we set our alarm 10 minutes early for snuggling time)or before you fall asleep at night. Relish those everyday moments – or, as I call them, “ordinary-extraordinary moments” – together. Allow yourself a few moments each day to feel and express the love and gratitude you feel for your spouse.
- Reignite. Yes, we have busy schedules and lots of responsibilities, but if we want our marriages to remain loving, exciting, and fun, then we’ll make time to be together and keep the love and fun alive. Make time for date nights, exercise and play together. And, yes, this includes having sex and making that fun, too! Wear something sexier than you normally would, dance for him, invite him into the tub or shower, and allow yourself to experience the delight of being desired and pleased by the man you love!
These are just a few tips that will help you experience love, fun, and happiness in your marriage over the years. We’ll be covering even more tips in the talk we’ll be presenting at HeartCamp titled, “Relationship FUNdamentals,” where you’ll learn what both men and women can do to make dating and relationships more fun! If you’re in the Miami area on February 2nd, you won’t want to miss it!
Having a relationship that not only stands the test of time, but in which both people are still happy to be together in the good times and bad, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer is not about luck. It doesn’t just happen. And, while it is magical, it’s a magic that gets created day in and day out, moment by moment. This is your life. It’s your love story. Make it one you want to experience for a lifetime!
Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
Photo by Andrielle Photography
by heartsdesireintl | Dec 29, 2012 | Dating, HDI Blog, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Parenting, Relationship, Relationship Advice, Romance
The other night something happened that caused me to really put my “work” to work. A virtual friend of several years reached out to me on my Facebook Wall about something she was going through, and I responded with some advice I thought would encourage her.
Unfortunately, something that I said must have been misinterpreted, and, what was originally a conversation between me and her on my Wall was taken public on Facebook, where she tagged me in a post that was about “losing friends” as a result of a choice she made. When I first saw my name on the post, I was confused, as our conversation had nothing to do with ending our friendship. In fact, I had told her that I loved her and how I had always seen her as a loving person.
Confused, I reiterated my love and support for her, only to have her son post a very crude and foul response questioning my sincerity, as well as calling my work as a relationship coach into question. I don’t know her son and had no idea where the anger was coming from. I chose to excuse myself from the thread, as this is not the type of conversation or interaction in which I choose to participate. In spite of this, I saw that there were still nasty things being said in my absence.
I reached out to my friend privately and suggested we speak so that we could clarify any misunderstandings, as I know that what is written can sometimes be misinterpreted. No response. I told her I had deleted the post that she had put on my Wall (in case something I had said had hurt or offended her) and waited to hear from her. Again, no response.
I did, however, get another nasty private message from her son. I explained that she and I had been having a private conversation that it was misinterpreted and taken public. And, again, apologized if I had said something to hurt his mom. No response.
I won’t pretend that I wasn’t angry. I was. And I was hurt, too. I’m human.
I tried to shake it off, reminding myself that what they were thinking and feeling probably had more to do with what my friend is going through than it had to do with me, and that the feelings I had expressed were authentic. Still, it hurt that someone would think that I was being anything but loving with them. And having my integrity called into question bothered me.
As a coach, I sometimes have to say things people don’t want to hear. I do it with no other intention than to share what I feel will make a difference for them. And I always remind my clients and friends that I am coming from a place of love and standing in my commitment to them and their happiness. While I may not agree with someone’s choices, disagreement does not equal judgment. I believe that we are each free to choose what we feel is the right choice for ourselves. So, while I may not agree with you, I will not judge you.
After about an hour of feeling bothered, I realized that a lot of what I was feeling had to do with my own ego – wanting to be liked; not wanting to be questioned or seen in a negative light. So I began to let that go.
I spoke to my husband about what was going on, and, as I spoke, the hurt turned to anger. My husband, who has much thicker skin and is a lot less emotional than I am, told me to de-friend her and call it a day. I, on the other hand, wanted to mend the relationship, if possible. He got a bit frustrated and told me I had no need for negative people and people who clearly don’t know me enough to know that I always try to come from a space of love.
In the past, this conversation would have turned into an argument between him and me about how he was being judgmental and unreasonable and just trying to step in and “fix it,” rather than just letting me vent. However, I’ve learned to listen to the message behind his words – his “heart message” – and what I heard loud and clear was: “I love you and I don’t want anyone to hurt you.” In his way, he was standing up and defending me. And I love him for it.
As soon as I got how much my husband loved and wanted to defend me, a space of compassion opened up for me regarding my friend’s son! For whatever reason, something I said had been misinterpreted and my friend was hurt. Perhaps she felt I was judging her. I hope not, but she mentioned feeling that she had to explain her choice in her post. So, perhaps she shared her hurt feelings with her son, and, because he loves her, he felt the need to defend and protect her, too. As much as I disagree with the way he went about doing so, by bringing compassion to the situation and to him, I was able to let go of the “residue” of resentment that was growing in my heart and hear his heart message for his mom.
I don’t know whether my friend and I will ever speak again. I hope we do. I pray that she is able to get through this part of her journey surrounded by those who love her. I’ve apologized. There’s nothing more I can do, except send love and light her way.
No matter what happens, I am so thankful for this lesson learned, this work, the skills and principles we teach, and that I was able to use them both within and outside the relationship with my husband to let go of pain and resentment and bring peace and love back into my heart.
Because, in the end, peace and love are what this work – our work – is all about!
Questions? Comments? Please share them below. We love hearing from you!
Photo credit: Susan von Struensee via photopin.com cc
