Dating - Heart's Desire Intl

Are You Ready To Get Over It And Move On?

by heartsdesireintl | Nov 8, 2019 | Coaching, Dating, Forgiveness, heartache, Love, Marriage, Ready to Love Again, Relationship, Self-Love, Success

by Gladys Diaz

Is your past keeping you from having the future you desire?

Are you unable to get over an ex, no matter what you do?

Are you so afraid of getting your heart broken like you did last time, that you’re stopping yourself from being available?

Are you scared that you’ll choose the wrong man yet AGAIN and end up brokenhearted and?

Do you see how these are all fears that are being triggered by something you experienced in the past?

If you don’t overcome your past, your past will be present in your present and impact your future. Which is a shame, because your past is not a predictor, it’s an informer.

What does that mean?

It means that, just because you chose an abusive man in the past, doesn’t mean you will do it again.

It means that just because your last boyfriend cheated on you and the relationship ended in massive heartache for you, doesn’t mean the next man will do this, too.

Your past experiences don’t determine what you will continue to experience IF you do the HeartWork to replace the fears that created them.

We all have fears. We are all humans walking around afraid of what someone else might do to us, worrying we may mess up, or that something might go wrong. Fear is part of the human condition. We can’t eliminate it, but we can learn to overpower it.

The trick is learning how to break through any patterns of fear and anxiety that are stopping you from living the life and creating the future you desire.

The crazy thing about fear is that the energy of fear is magnetic. When you are living in a space of fear around anything, you are energetically and subconsciously attracting that to you. This means that until you do the work to release the fear, you WILL continue to experience it.

So how do you release fear?

You can learn to release fear by going through our “In-the-Moment Fear Exercise. Trust us, making this exercise a practice you do all the time will change your life.

Moment of Fear Exercise

1. Recognize what got triggered inside of you.

Realize this: When you experience a fear, it isn’t you that got t triggered, something inside of you got triggered — a past experience, a fear, an anxiety that’s been developed over time. When that thing gets triggered, you can do 1 of 2 things.

You can…

a) Go into your automatic response of either blowing up or shutting down (it’s called fight or flight. We’re sure you’ve heard of it.)

b) STOP and recognize that something has been triggered and then move on to step 2 in the exercise.

Note: This acknowledgement happens in a split-second, so it does take some practice to gain the awareness to recognize the trigger in the moment.

2. Ask yourself: What just happened?

It’s important that you answer this question with only the facts about what actually happened, with no interpretation or analysis of the event(s) that just took place. It usually can be answered with as few as 3-10 words. Anything longer is a clue that you making what happened mean something.

3. Ask yourself: What did I make it mean?

What did you decide it meant when that guy you just went out with didn’t call the next day?

What did you make it mean when you saw your date going to the bathroom with his phone?

Did you create the idea that because he didn’t call you it means you’re not dateable?

Did you decide that because your date took his phone into the bathroom it meant he was texting another girl?

The majority of the time, whatever is upsetting you, robbing you of your peace, and/or causing you fear is not what actually happened. What’s upsetting you is whatever you made what mean — about him, you, them, it… everything!

4. Ask yourself: Is that what really happened?

Because our brain cannot tell the difference between what is actually happening and what we’re afraid might or might not be happening, this is the life-altering part of this exercise.

When you take what you made an experience mean and compare it to what actually happened, you start to see reality and the fear disappears.

Michelle was talking to a client the other day, and walking her through this exercise. A man had asked her what was wrong with her that she is in her 40’s and has never been in a long-term relationship. She made that experience mean that she is a failure in everything in her life, and that it’s never going to work for her.

As Michelle walked her through this exercise, she did what we all do: find ways to justify what we’ve made it mean. “But I haven’t been in a relationship, so I am a failure!” “My business isn’t working right now, and it never will!.

Michelle asked her, “Is ‘never’ happening right now?” “Does because it hasn’t’ worked mean it never will?”

Of course, the answer to these questions is “no,” and once she saw that, she started laughing and her desire to continue the journey in her business and dating was renewed.

What about you?

What do you want to experience in your life? What if you took this exercise and put it into action, practicing it over and over until you shifted what you are currently experiencing?

Overcoming your fears gives you POWER. It gives you absolute power to create anything you desire, in love and beyond.

Because we desire this for you, PLUS so much more, we have put together an incredible Pre-Black Friday offer that you can grab now! This Love Power Pack includes tickets to our 2020 Love Vision Live Event happening in December, as well as some swag to help you always remember that you are a fierce, feminine, and fabulous and that you have the power to create your love vision NOW.

Click here to learn more.

Have this be the last Christmas and New Years you spend alone? Come to this event and you may not even be alone this Christmas! How would that feel?

Don’t let your fears and your past stop you from creating the future you want, including the loving, passionate, extraordinary relationship your heart desires!

Are You Missing Your Opportunity For Love?

by heartsdesireintl | Nov 6, 2019 | Coaching, Dating, Gratitude, heartache, Intimacy, keeping the love alive, Love, Relationship

by Gladys Diaz

Do you have “high standards” or “unrealistic expectations?”

Just think about that for a minute….

This is a HOT topic that we get asked questions about all the time because it can be confusing. We can trick ourselves into thinking we have high standards, when what we really have are unrealistic expectations that are leading to missed opportunities, heartache in relationships, and unnecessary drama.

And men don’t like drama! 😉

So… what’s the difference?

And how can you be sure you know where you are coming from?

Standards

Standards are aligned with your values. They are based on your beliefs, they are good for your life, and protect you from unnecessary harm and heartache.

Having standards in dating looks like not dating someone that does drugs or is addicted to alcohol. It also looks like dating someone who has integrity and does what he says he’ll do.

Standards come from inside of you.

Expectations

Expectations are things that you are “requiring” from someone else and are usually based on a “list” of criteria that you think a person should meet. They are preferences.

Expectations in dating looks like not dating someone who hasn’t gotten a college education or who doesn’t happen to be an entrepreneur. It looks like not dating someone who has/hasn’t been married before or who does/doesn’t already have kids. It also looks like not dating someone who’s an introvert or who isn’t over 6 feet tall.

In relationships, it looks like not appreciating the things your man does for you or always making him feel like he has to be a certain way. It looks like expecting your man to love you no matter how you behave, even when you’.

Expectations are something you’re looking for out there. They have nothing to do with who a person actually is, and everything to do with what you’ve made up about what certain things mean about them.

Expectations come from fear.

They come from what we saw as a child, what we’ve experienced in other relationships, or from an irrational or imagined fear.

So, think about it again… in your relationships, and dating are you coming from a set of standards or are you coming from a set of expectations?

How is that affecting your experience of love and relationships?

What is it costing you to have those unrealistic expectations of others?

What are you afraid is/isn’t going to happen if you don’t stick to your expectations?

We get it. We have both experienced this on both sides of the equation.

When Michelle was dating after her divorce, she was desperately trying to prove that there was nothing wrong with her. She’d experienced a lot of hurt in her past relationship and wasn’t going to go there again. So, she set expectations. He had to be older, he had to be established in his career, and he also had to be divorced with kids so he’d understand how she felt.

She set these expectations thinking she was just doing what was best for herself, but she was protecting and not allowing herself to actually be and get to know the men she was with, which led to a terrible dating experience!

If she’d stayed committed to those preferences, she would have missed out on being married to the amazing man she’s married to today, because he – who was younger, was in transition between careers, had never been married, or had kids – wouldn’t have even shown up on her radar, because he didn’t meet all of those requirements.

For me, I remember experiencing this in my marriage. By thinking that my way was the right way, I was constantly making my husband feel like he wasn’t enough. And, while the words, “You’re not enough” NEVER came out of my mouth and I truly thought I was communicating well and just trying to make him better, it left him feeling unhappy, unsure of himself, and disrespected.

It makes me emotional just thinking about how I made the man that I love more than anything, and who I promised to love no matter what, feel any of those things.

Now, what about you?

What are you currently experiencing in dating and in your relationships? And what do you WANT to experience?

If through reading, you’ve realized that maybe you’re coming more from expectations, it’s okay! You just need to look at that and ask yourself what’s the fear underneath it all that is stopping you from having the experience you want in relationships.

Because once you get to the bottom of the fear, you can start to build up from there.

During our Love Chat with the Love Twins this week, one of our past clients said this :

“Please listen to the Love Twins! Once I got rid of the superficial requirements for a man…like height, hair and even education!! I concentrated on how do i feel… and I found a man who treats me like a Queen. Thank you Gladys and Michelle your HeartWork… it works!”

We want you to experience the relationship of your dreams. To wake up every morning next to the person you love and who loves you in return.

Don’t let your expectations keep you from having that. Because the person you end up with might surprise you and that surprise will be the best gift you give yourself, IF you allow it to be!

(photo credit: https://onlineforlove.com/)

Do You Feel Confident or Desperate?

by heartsdesireintl | Nov 1, 2019 | Coaching, Communication, Dating, keeping the love alive, Love, Relationship, Relationship Advice

by Gladys Diaz

Do you know anyone– maybe a girlfriend – who seems desperate when it comes to dating?

Have you ever been on a date with someone and you could just feel the desperation coming off of them? (Yes, men can put of these vibes, too!)

Maybe you’re the one that feels like you get weird when you’re interested in someone, and maybe you feel like, no matter how hard you try, all you ever do is push men away?

Think about this for a minute… Are you operating out of Desperation or Desire?

The feeling of desperation comes from FEAR.

You feel like it’s not going to happen for you, or that it’s going to be hard.

You worry about what to say, what not to say, why he’s not texting, if you should text first.

The truth is that you’re in a scarcity mindset, which has you think that every guy HAS to be the one, so you MUST make it work.

Sound familiar?

When you’re operating out of desire you feel FREE.

You’re aligned with what turns your heart on and you know you can be yourself and be loved for just that.

You’re clear about what you want and your behavior, words, and being all align with creating that.

Operating out of desire is how you manifest what you want. It is the only way that works.

When you stop operating out of fear and desperation, everything in life changes. Everything.

The thing is, you might not even realize that FEAR is what is driving you.

You may think that because you’ve made your checklist for your perfect man that you know what you want and that desire is driving you, but listen up, because this may surprise you.

And, by the way, desperation isn’t a single’s-only phenomenon. Women in relationships act out of desperation, too!

Acting out of desperation looks like checking his things, dropping hints, being controlling or asking leading questions to manipulate your guy or get him to say or do something you want.

In dating, it might look like pursuing a man in dating – calling him, asking him on dates, suggesting you meet up, “coincidentally” showing up at a place he might be in hopes of running into him – all of this is pursuing.

Desperation can even look like sleeping with a man too soon, getting into a relationship before you know his character and his values or compromising your own values in order to get with him.

In a relationship, it can look like having to approve his every decision, trying to guilt him into doing things, and even trying to get him to talk when he prefers to go into his man cave.

When you’re coming from this place, you are in a state of scarcity. You’re afraid you’re not going to get what you want, so you WORK HARD to make sure that you do.

Desperation has a VERY STRONG energy associated with it, and men can feel it a mile away!

So how do you shift into the easy, breezy, flowy, energy that is so attractive to be around?

Recognize when you’re in fear. As humans, we’re always going to feel fear. Power comes from recognizing that fears are only thoughts and that it’s the fears that are causing you to do the things you don’t want to do.
Be CRYSTAL-CLEAR about what you want. When you know what you want, you can see right away when something (or someone) doesn’t align with that. Act out of intention and make adjustments to your behavior, communication, boundaries, etc., so that everything is in alignment with what you want to create.
BONUS Tip: It is not enough to desire to be “in a relationship.” Being crystal-clear means asking questions like: What type of relationship do you want? What do you want to experience inside that relationship? How do you want to feel? What types of things do you want to do together? The clearer you are, the more powerful the intention is.
Recognize where you are not aligned, and shift. What are you doing that’s not aligned with that you want? What are the ways of you being that you get to create inside yourself in order to be aligned with your desires? Do you want to be able to be yourself and not feel judged inside of a relationship? Then BE yourself and don’t judge others. BE the love you want to see!

Do You Feel Confident or Desperate?

by heartsdesireintl | Oct 25, 2019 | Coaching, Communication, Dating, keeping the love alive, Love, Relationship, Relationship Advice