How to Overcome Social Distancing Anxiety

How to Overcome Social Distancing Anxiety

by Gladys Diaz 

Even before the events of Covid-19 shook our world, women would come to us because they were triggered by the distance they felt in relationships. 

Whether it was physical distance or perceived distance (like he starts texting/calling less than he did before), distance is something that causes a lot of women anxiety. 

Because of the events of the last couple of months and the “social distancing” regulations that have been put on all of us, this anxiety may be amplified for you. 

If anxiety in relationships isn’t something you had previously dealt with, it may be something that has been coming up for you now. 

As these “social distancing” regulations begin to be lifted in different parts of the country, a whole new kind of anxiety might be setting in for you. The anxiety of whether it’s really safe to go out now? …to meet someone new? …to hug or kiss?  

If you have been or are experiencing anxiety for any reason, you’re not alone, and the number one thing you can do for yourself under our current circumstances is to honor yourself. Get clarity around what’s  true for you. Let go of social agreements and make a decision you can stand by. 

One of the essential  elements of being an Irresistible Woman is being connected to what you really feel and standing confidently in it. 

So, what do you do if, because the restrictions are being lifted in your community, a guy asks you if you’d like to meet, and you still feel like it’s too soon? 

You can say, “For me, it’s still too soon to meet in person, but I’d love to keep getting to know you.” From there he can decide whether or how he wants to make that happen. 

It’s as easy as that. 

What if you had anxiety before Covid-19? Did experiencing distance (either physical or perceived distance ) in a relationship trigger you before? 

Did you find yourself sending memes that you found funny or articles you thought he’d be interested in because you’re feeling anxious that you haven’t heard from him in a few days (or hours!) 

Do you find yourself doing these things just so you can get on his radar and get the hit that will deflate the anxiety when/if he responds? 

If so, remember this: It’s not as helpful to pay attention to what he’s doing as it is to pay attention to how you’re reacting to it. 

Your reaction is what’s causing the anxiety. 

When the anxiety hits, ask yourself: “What is it that’s really bothering me?” “Why does not hearing from him worry me so much?”

And then be gentle with yourself. 

It’s a fear that’s getting triggered, and it can feel all-consuming.

Take a breath and remind yourself that you’re safe and nothing bad is happening to you. 

If you’re feeling this over a guy you’ve just started seeing, then remind yourself that you’re just getting to know each other and it’s okay that you haven’t heard from him. It doesn’t mean anything. 

If it’s someone you’ve been seeing a little longer, then ask yourself if the anxiety you’re feeling is  because you’re getting attached because he’s  the only person you’re seeing. If you’re still not in a committed relationship with a man, maybe it’s time to open up to seeing others as well. 

It is also powerful to notice if anxiety is a pattern you’ve created for yourself.

Not to downplay it in any way, as anxiety is a very real experience that has your nervous system go crazy and triggers irrational thoughts. But notice if being in a state of high anxiety  is something you’ve trained yourself to feel. 

We find with many women that they feel “alive” when they’re worrying about something and that, even when things are calm and going well, they still feel anxiety because they automatically (and subconsciously) start looking for something to worry about it. 

Anxiety can also be triggered by wanting to control people, conditions, or circumstances that are outside of your control. 

If you notice yourself in this pattern, start teaching yourself how to shift. 

If you find yourself looking for something to worry about, notice and laugh about it. Then think of something you’re grateful for, or think of something else you can focus your attention on that you do have control over so that you can begin to retrain your mind out of the pattern of constant worrying. 

There is so much more we could share on this topic, and so much of this really requires personal coaching to get to the root of what triggers the anxiety in the first place! 

This is why we’re  so excited to be inviting you to the second Extraordinary Love NOW Masterclass, happening tomorrow, Saturday, May 2nd at 12pm Eastern! 

Because we had such an incredible turn out last week, because so many of you asked if we could offer the training again – and because we had so much fun – we decided to do it one more time! 

In this interactive masterclass you will get training and coaching on your mindset, dating skills, ways of being, as well as relationship coaching, so that you can either step out or step further into the relationship you’re in to create the relationship of your dreams. 

Grab your spot for the Extraordinary Love NOW Masterclass here!

In the search for love, you don’t have to be worried! 

You are in control of how you feel, react, and respond, and we’re here to show you how!

As you empower yourself with the right tools, you gain the power to create the relationship you really want and deserve.  

We’re here for you!

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

by Gladys Diaz 

Should I stay or should I go?

Have you ever asked yourself that question? 

If you’re asking yourself that, maybe a better question is: “Why am I staying?” 

Maybe he’s not showing up the way he used to. 

Maybe you’re not comfortable in the relationship and can’t be yourself. 

Maybe there’s a lot of drama in the relationship and it’s exhausting. 

Maybe it’s been this way for a long time and you know your life is passing you by. 

Why…? 

And by the way… this conversation doesn’t just exist when talking about relationships.

This conversation about being unclear or feeling “stuck” is relevant to just about any area of your life. 

Maybe you’re staying in a job you don’t like and that’s not fulfilling. 

Maybe your house doesn’t light you up or create the feeling of home. 

Maybe you feel stuck in your business or a friendship.

Where in your life are you just surviving? 

Where are you settling for less than you desire?

People stay in situations that are less than what they want because of FEAR. Fear of not knowing what the alternative will be like, if it will work out, and if they can handle it. 

Staying comfortable in something less than desirable feels better (or seems safer) than the risk of stepping outside of your comfort zone to create something different.

Can you relate? 

I know it was that way for me. I was married for over 12 years and at least the last three or four years of that relationship were spent knowing it wasn’t going to get any better. Did you hear me… four years!! I had major doubt that I could do it on my own, that I had what it took to leave and create something better. 

At that time in my life I was doing the same exact thing in my professional life. I was in a job that I hated. But I had a false sense of safety and wasn’t doing anything about it out of fear. 

Sound familiar? 

So… should you stay or should you go? 

First of all, if you are in a situation where you are in danger, where you experience moments of being afraid in your relationship, then there’s no question. You should go. 

No woman should ever be in a situation where she feels afraid. If that’s you, please reach out for support. 

Secondly, if you’re waiting for someone else to do something, or if you feel like you just can’t take the way things are for one more day, then it’s time to ask yourself, ”Why am I staying?”

The thing is this, most of the time, love is not what’s in question. 

We hear stories from so many women and the first answer is always “Because I love him” or “Because we love each other.” 

You can 100% feel that you love someone and not be in a relationship that is healthy, going somewhere, or what you really desire. 

What’s really in question is whether you love yourself.

Do you love yourself enough to have what you desire? 

And if you’re not clear on what you desire, do you love yourself enough to get crystal-clear about it so that you can find the courage to step out of what you’re settling for and open up the space for what you really want? 

After my divorce, and after I finally did the Heartwork to learn how to love myself, I was clear that I didn’t ever again want to be with someone that wasn’t 100% sure they wanted to be with me. When I finally created that clarity for myself, everything changed. 

Now for the question of whether you should stay. 

You should stay if you feel safe and if you have a desire to make things work. Even if right now, you’re the only one saying she wants it to work, there needs to be a desire to change things.

We’ve worked with women  who have completely redesigned their relationships. They have done the work on themselves in order to experience the relationship differently and create the relationship of their dreams inside the relationship they are already in.  

So, if you find yourself in the question of whether you should stay or go, then the time is now to take action. No amount of complaining, talking about it, or hoping that it’s going to change on its own is going to change anything. You have to take committed action! 

This is why we’re  so excited to be inviting you to the Extraordinary Love NOW Masterclass, happening tomorrow, Saturday, April 25th at 12pm Eastern! 

You will get training and coaching on your mindset, dating leadership coaching, ways of being, as well as relationship coaching, so that you can either step out or step further into the relationship you’re in to create the relationship of your dreams. 

Grab your spot for the Extraordinary Love NOW Masterclass here!

In the search for love, YOU get to choose! 

As you empower yourself with the right tools, you gain the power to create the relationship you really want and deserve.  

We’re here for you! 

How to “COVID-19 Proof” Your Relationship

How to “COVID-19 Proof” Your Relationship

by Gladys Diaz 

Is his breathing starting to drive you crazy? 

Do you feel like you’re not getting any alone time?

Are you arguing about every little thing? 

We ask these questions a little lightheartedly because we know feeling these things right now doesn’t mean you don’t love your partner. It’s simply that the stress in your relationship may be rising as you’re being forced to spend more time together  than usual in what is probably starting to feel like a very confined space.

Also, with extra time and less distractions, the things you’ve been too busy or too distracted to address in your relationship are coming up. 

The pressure may be starting to rise, and you may be feeling like you’re about to burst! (Remember those old pressure-cookers? The way they would whistle louder and louder meaning it was getting closer to the exploding point? Are you beginning to feel like that?!?)   

You know, just the other day Arnie and I were having a conversation and I was starting to feel frustrated. It just didn’t feel like he was understanding my point of view and I was beginning to feel the pressure rising! 

The conversation was starting to get a little heated, but then I remembered… “What if he just sees it differently?” 

Remembering that people process information differently (especially men and women!) has the power to change everything. In those heated moments, it can be difficult to remember that , but it is so important! 

So, what can you do to bring the stress level down a notch? 

The different circumstances that we are all currently experiencing are magnifying the need to have good communication skills in place in your relationship, because, when you don’t have the skills you’ll either 1) withdraw from your partner, or 2) explode and word-vomit all over him! 

Neither of these things will lead to the loving, connected, supportive relationship you want to have with your partner.

When it comes to communication there are three very important things to remember. 

  1. What you say.
  2. How you say it. 
  3. The energy behind what you’re saying. 

Let’s focus on that third one. 

A large part of communicating effectively is thinking about how the message is going to be received. Now, you can’t control how the other person is going to hear what you’re saying, but you can be responsible for the intention and energy behind your words. 

Before you speak, ask yourself, “What do I want to create in the space between us?” 

Setting the intention of creating love, connection, and understanding before a heated conversation begins changes what happens during the conversation and the outcome drastically. 

The second thing you can do if you’ve found yourself having a stressful conversation with your partner is take a step back and talk about what isn’t working from a neutral state by using nouns and verbs. 

What does that look like? 

Saying “When you did ____________ it made me ___________” doesn’t work, because it immediately sets your partner up to defend himself.. 

Instead, when you say, “What doesn’t work is yelling” or “What doesn’t work is blaming,” it changes the conversation. Instead of getting defensive, you are both able to identify what isn’t working and shift it. 

And lastly, if things are getting heated and you’re not seeing a loving and productive way out of an impending blow-up, then call a time-out. 

Take a 5-10 minute break to think about what the other person is saying and feeling. Stay awake in your relationship and allow time to process your own thoughts and feelings before continuing the conversation, if needed.  

It’s also important to allow for disagreements. 

Like I shared in the example above, sometimes we are just going to see things differently.  You are two completely different human beings with your own thoughts, opinions, and beliefs.  Remember that many of those differences are the things that attracted you to one another, so allow for the disagreements, making respect a top priority in your communication, even when you don’t see eye-to-eye on something.

All of these communication skills work really well in romantic relationships, and you can also practice  them with everyone in your life. 

It is not enough just to know what to do.  As Tony Robbins says: Knowledge is only potential power., you get to do it. 

Knowledge only has the power to transform and make a difference when it is used effectively.  So, use these skills with your partner, with your kids, with your co-workers. 

We are all under pressure right now, and that doesn’t mean our relationships have to break down.

If you have a specific issue you’d like to discuss with your partner, and you’re not sure how to do it in a way that leads to more love and partnership, we’re opening up extra spots on our calendar to help you prepare for and have the conversation in a way that will lead to more love, connection, and partnership with the man you love. 

Simply click below and schedule a Love Breakthrough Session, and we’ll walk you through exactly what to say and do so that you can communicate and connect with your partner now.

Click here to schedule a Communication Love Breakthrough Session.

We are going to get through this, and we’re going to get through it together

It’s Possible For You Too.

It’s Possible For You Too.

by Gladys Diaz 

One of the pillars of what we teach  something that’s absolutely fundamental to creating the passionate, intimate, connected, loving relationship that you desire is having a crystal-clear vision of what you want. 

And we mean crystal-clear. Not just kinda-sorta knowing what you want. Not just having a list of expectations of what your man must have. And not just having it written it down, but still not really believing that you can have it. 

We’re talking about being able to see it, feel it, taste it, smell it, AND believe that it will happen. 

Without that level of clarity, you will settle for what you think you can get. 

We hear it from clients all the time, 

“What if this is the best I can do?” 

“What if I let this one go and have to wait another 10 years?!” 

“What if what I want is unrealistic?”

“What if it’s just not possible for me?”

I was talking with a client the other day who was telling me about the beautiful vision she has for love. It was a vision of fun and laughter and connection and joy. hen, in the middle of describing it to me, she stopped, and said, “I know, it sounds crazy. There’s no way this is possible. It’s too much” 

Was she asking for a man with 5 hands? No. 

Was she asking for a man that owned 5 islands? No. 

Was she asking for a man with 17 eyes. No.

Now, that is unrealistic (and a little absurd)! 

As we dug deeper, we discovered that a childhood (and lifetime) of feeling like there was never enough and that she was always asking for “too “was the reason she had this limiting belief. She realized what it was costing her to continue holding onto the belief that what she wanted was too much and not possible for her, and she decided that it was time to break through it NOW!

Desiring to have a relationship that is full of fun and laughter and connection and wonderful sex — none of that is too much. Everything about that is possible, AND it’s possible for you

Creating that vision and the reality of creating it comes from clarity.

Clarity asks the questions:

“What do I want to experience in the relationship of my dreams?” 

“What am I going to bring to the relationship so that I can experience that?”

“How can I BE the love that I want to see?” 

Clarity is not about knowing what qualities you want your man to have. It’s about knowing what you want to experience in the relationship of your dreams, and then BEing those things. 

BEing the respect you want to experience. 

BEing the love you want to receive. 

BEing the fun. 

BEing the passion. 

And what does BEing look like? 

Taking action. But not just any kind of action.

It means taking the kind of action that is aligned with your vision.

Having all the faith and clarity in the world will get you absolutely nowhere without taking action. 

A vision without action is nothing but a wish. And wishing is not a real strategy for getting what you want.

Which is why we want to invite you to our 2020 Love Vision  Workshop, happening in just a few days. We’l lbe walking you through a deep process to help you actually physically experience the clarity you are seeking. 

But it won’t stop there. 

You will walk away from the event, not just with a crystal-clear vision, but with a PLAN to carry it out. With the actual steps to make it a reality. 

Because it IS possible for you to create the love that you want in 2020. 

Click here to learn how to manifest the relationship you want.

And, in case you’re thinking that 2 days can’t make a difference in what’s possible for you for 2020, I want to share this with you:

Let’s go back to Christmas of 1998. I had just lost my husband in September, and I felt like I was walking through a fog. The holidays seemed so empty without him. I felt alone, and it was hard. 

Just one year later, Christmas 1999, I was in New York City but I wasn’t alone.  I was celebrating Christmas with Ric and both of our mothers. I’ll never forget when he brought out my gift (a beautiful purse) and was fussing about how he hoped I would like it. When I opened it up, I found a beautiful, custom-made engagement ring inside! We’d talked about getting married, so that part wasn’t a surprise. But to have it happen then, on Christmas Eve, with our moms there with us, I was elated!!

SO much can change in just one year. The difference between Christmas 1998 and Christmas 1999 was just one year, but it was day and night for me! 

Trust me when I say, everything you think can’t happen, but you dream might happen, CAN happen in just one year!

And it will, once you have the clarity and the action steps to create it. 

Click here to manifest the love you want in 2020!

Are You Ready To Get Over It And Move On?

Are You Ready To Get Over It And Move On?

by Gladys Diaz 

Is your past keeping you from having the future you desire? 

Are you unable to get over an ex, no matter what you do? 

Are you so afraid of getting your heart broken like you did last time, that you’re stopping yourself from being available? 

Are you scared that you’ll choose the wrong man yet AGAIN and end up brokenhearted and? 

Do you see how these are all fears that are being triggered by something you experienced in the past?  

If you don’t overcome your past, your past will be present in your present and impact your future.  Which is a shame, because your past is not a predictor, it’s an informer

What does that mean? 

It means that, just because you chose an abusive man in the past, doesn’t mean you will do it again. 

It means that just because your last boyfriend cheated on you and the relationship ended in massive heartache for you, doesn’t mean the next man will do this, too. 

Your past experiences don’t determine what you will continue to experience IF you do the HeartWork to replace the fears that created them. 

We all have fears. We are all humans walking around afraid of what someone else might do to us, worrying we may mess up, or that something might go wrong. Fear is part of the human condition. We can’t eliminate it, but we can learn to overpower it. 

The trick is learning how to break through any patterns of fear and anxiety that are stopping you from living the life and creating the future you desire.   

The crazy thing about fear is that the energy of fear is magnetic. When you are living in a space of fear around anything, you are energetically and subconsciously attracting that to you. This means that until you do the work to release the fear, you WILL continue to experience it. 

So how do you release fear? 

You can learn to release fear by going through our “In-the-Moment Fear Exercise. Trust us, making this exercise a practice you do all the time will change your life. 

Moment of Fear Exercise

1. Recognize what got triggered inside of you.

Realize this:  When you experience a fear, it isn’t  you that got t triggered, something inside of you got triggered —  a past experience, a fear, an anxiety that’s been developed over time. When that thing gets triggered, you can do 1 of 2 things. 

You can…  

a) Go into your automatic response of either blowing up or shutting down (it’s called fight or flight.  We’re sure you’ve heard of it.) 

OR

b) STOP and recognize that something has been triggered and then move on to step 2 in the exercise. 

Note: This acknowledgement happens in a split-second, so it does take some practice to gain the awareness to recognize the trigger in the moment.

2. Ask yourself: What just happened?

It’s important that you answer this question with only the facts about what actually happened, with no interpretation or analysis of the event(s) that just took place. It usually can be answered with as few as 3-10 words.  Anything longer is a clue that you making what happened mean something.

3. Ask yourself: What did I make it mean?

What did you decide it meant when that guy you just went out with didn’t call the next day? 

What did you make it mean when you saw your date going to the bathroom with his phone? 

Did you create the idea that because he didn’t call you it means you’re not dateable? 

Did you decide that because your date took his phone into the bathroom it meant he was texting another girl? 

The majority of the time, whatever is upsetting you, robbing you of your peace, and/or causing you fear is not what actually happened.  What’s upsetting you is whatever you made what mean — about him, you, them, it… everything!

4. Ask yourself: Is that what really happened?

Because our brain cannot tell the difference between what is actually happening and what we’re afraid might or might not be happening, this is the life-altering part of this exercise. 

When you take what you made an experience mean and compare it to what actually happened, you start to see reality and the fear disappears.  

 

Michelle was talking to a client the other day, and walking her through this exercise. A man had asked her what was wrong with her that she is in her 40’s and has never been in a long-term relationship. She made that experience mean that she is a failure in everything in her life, and that it’s never going to work for her. 

As Michelle walked her through this exercise, she did what we all do: find ways to justify what we’ve made it mean. “But I haven’t been in a relationship, so I am a failure!” “My business isn’t working right now, and it never will!. 

Michelle asked her, “Is ‘never’ happening right now?” “Does because it hasn’t’ worked mean it never will?” 

Of course, the answer to these questions is “no,” and once she saw that, she started laughing and her desire to continue the journey in her business and dating was renewed. 

What about you? 

What do you want to experience in your life? What if you took this exercise and put it into action, practicing it over and over until you shifted what you are currently experiencing? 

Overcoming your fears gives you POWER. It gives you absolute power to create anything you desire, in love and beyond. 

Because we desire this for you, PLUS so much more, we have put together an incredible Pre-Black Friday offer that you can grab now! This Love Power Pack includes tickets to our 2020 Love Vision Live Event happening in December, as well as some swag to help you always remember that you are a fierce, feminine, and fabulous and that you have the power to create your love vision NOW.  

Click here to learn more.

Have this be the last Christmas and New Years you spend alone? Come to this event and you may not even be alone this Christmas! How would that feel? 

Don’t let your fears and your past stop you from creating the future you want, including the loving, passionate, extraordinary relationship your heart desires!

Are You Repelling Men?

Are You Repelling Men?

by Gladys Diaz 

Did you know there are specific behaviors that turn a man off – specific things you may be doing (maybe even unknowingly!) that cause men to shut down or turn away from you?

If so, listen up! Because this is important for EVERY WOMAN, whether you’re dating, in a relationship, or married. Don’t get trapped in the thought that now that you’ve “got him.” A high-quality man wants a high-quality woman, so always remember how important it is to BE the woman he fell in love with in the first place. 

There are three behaviors that are like mosquito repellent to a man – they just shut him right down. So, lean in, listen up, and even if you’ve heard these things before, open up to what you might be able to hear or understand differently that might just change your love life. 

  1. Being Insecure or Needy

No one likes a needy person, right? But how do you know if you’re being needy? 

“Needy” and “insecure” look like being DEPENDENT on the other person for your happiness, for your safety, your security, your confidence. It looks like NEEDING validation from your partner.

For example, are you waiting for him to call you before you can start your day? Are you waiting for him to compliment you in order to feel good about yourself? Are you constantly in a state of worry about how he feels about you? 

When you show up this way, you start to feel like a burden or an obligation to a man. It’s repelling. Men (just like you!) want to feel inspired to do something, not required to do it. 

So, what can you do instead? 

First, you must be secure enough in yourself to know that your worth comes from within you. Without that, you will almost always show up as needy and insecure.  If you recognize that you are someone that shows up this way in relationships, do the HeartWork and ask yourself, “Where is that coming from?” and “Why is it that I show up that way?” As you do, you’ll be able to uncover your limiting beliefs and begin to shift them. 

Secondly, step back and provide opportunities for him to step in. Men like to feel needed and that they have a purpose. So, it’s not just about allowing him to help you or be there for you. It’s also about giving the space for him to choose to do so. 

  1. Being Dramatic 

If you were at our event last weekend, you heard it straight out of our husbands’ mouths: Men hate it when women are dramatic!

Let’s fill you in on what being dramatic can look like, because, while being insecure and needy is pretty obvious, this one can disguise itself in many ways. 

Maybe you’re not dramatic per say, but perhaps you look for things to go wrong. Or, when things are going well, you get bored and begin looking for things that are going wrong as a way to (dysfunctionally) create excitement in the relationship. Maybe you are always worrying that something is going to go wrong, or you overthink everything your partner says and does. 

All of these behaviors create drama and impact the peace and flow of the relationship.

By engaging in this behavior, you don’t allow yourself to experience joy. So, what can you do instead? 

Look for the things to be grateful for. Look for the things that are going right. Whatever you look for, you will find, so why not look for what’s going well? And, if you start to feel the pull for worry or drama, recognize it, feel where it’s coming from in your body, and make a conscious choice to shift into a higher vibration. 

  1. Being Controlling 

The third behavior that turns a man off is being controlling. Have you felt your partner pull away? Has he stopped sharing things with you? Have you stopped talking about the important things in your lives? 

If this feels like what is happening for you, take a look at how you may be showing up as controlling because, like being dramatic, it can show up in ways you may not even realize!

Being controlling looks like saying, “How come you…?”, “Why do you…?”, “Why can’t you…?”, or “You should…”  It might even sound like, “What I would have done is…” or “I really wish you would have…”  When you’re constantly second-guessing your partner, you are actually questioning his ability to think for himself. And you can imagine how unpleasant that feels, especially when it’s happening all the time!

A more subtle way of being controlling is complaining. When you complain, you do two things:

1) you show up as dramatic (and we already went over that one!), and

2) you emasculate your partner by making him feel like he’s not capable of pleasing you.  

So, what can you do instead? 

Bite Your Tongue. Does this mean you lose your voice in the relationship? Absolutely not! It means that you choose the words you say wisely. When you feel like questioning his decision, instead say, “I see you’ve given this a lot of thought.” If he asks what you think he should do about something, instead of jumping in and telling him what to do, say “Well, what were you thinking?” 

Men want to know that you support them and trust them. Show them that through your actions and words, and your relationship will be golden!

You get to choose to take information and either have it make a difference in your relationships or not. Remember: Information doesn’t make the difference. It’s in the application or practice of the information that the transformation takes place.

So, if you have a specific pattern or behavior that you’re beginning to recognize is sabotaging your dating or your relationship, let us know so we can help you dismantle and replace it! 

We want you and every woman to have a happy, loving healthy relationship so that you are having the experience of loving and being loved every day of your life.

So, if anything is standing in the way of that, hit reply to this email and tell us which of the 3 repelling behaviors is most impacting your relationships, and we’ll give you some next steps you can take to create a shift in your love life RIGHT NOW. 

Book a Love Breakthrough Session here!