Are You Being Used?

Are You Being Used?

by | Jan 11, 2020 | Coaching, Communication, Dating, heartache, Infidelity, Intimacy, Love, Ready to Love Again, Relationship, Self-Love

by Gladys Diaz 

Are you afraid of being taken advantage of by men? 

Do you seem to consistently attract men that “need” something”?

Do you feel like men only want sex from you and that once they have gotten it, they disappear? 

Is your experience that men always need your “fixing”? 

If this seems to be your experience in dating and relationships, know that you are not alone. In our work with thousands of women, this is the #1 limiting belief that women have about men and relationships. 

And the thing is, for those with this fear, it is 100% real to them.

That’s why we wanted to share this message first thing in this new year!

If this is what you are experiencing or feel like you are experiencing — basically if this is your paradigm for relationships — it’s because you’ve had an experience in the past that created this belief. 

Warning signs that you have this belief are that:

  • you have the experience of over-giving and not receiving back a relationship
  • you feel as if you’re being used for sex
  • you’re helping a man “gets back on his feet,” or being used financially
  • you feel like you must be “needed” in order for someone to love you, and that if they don’t “need” you, then they will leave you

Think about your last 3-4 relationships? Was this showing up? 

If these signs have shown up in three or more of your past relationships, then there’s a pattern that needs shifting!

This pattern comes from a belief that you created because of a past experience. 

And that belief was most likely created years before your first date. 

One example of something you may have experienced as a child is having something happen that led you to believe you had to DO something EXTRA in order to be loved.

When you have this belief, you will attract men who need you, need help, need support, and you feel like you are always the one doing the helping or “fixing.” 

So ask yourself – 

Are you noticing these patterns in your relationships?

Are you having painful experiences in dating? 

OR are you holding yourself back and not having experiences with men because of this fear? 

The first step to shifting fears is to recognize that they are present, so be honest with yourself here. 

If this sounds like you, then start to pay attention to these things when you are dating… 

  1. Are you over-giving? Are you giving to another person to the point that you are not honoring yourself? 
  2. Are you taking time to really get to know someone? Are you holding back in a healthy way so you don’t give too much too soon? Are you giving yourself the opportunity of time to get to know someone so you know that can trust the other person and his intentions? 
  3. Are you looking for consistency in words and actions in the men you are dating?
  4. Are you feeling safe to be generous and give love freely because you are receiving in return? 

Sometimes you need help recognizing these patterns in your life. We want you to know that so much of the pain you experience in love, dating, and relationships is unnecessary and avoidable!  

If you feel like this is a belief you have, and you’re having a hard time recognizing or shifting the pattern, let us help you do the HeartWork to break past it. 

You get to be loved freely, and to be loved freely  in return. 

And you don’t have to do it alone. 

Schedule a Love Breakthrough and set yourself free!

 Book a Love Breakthrough Session Now

Releasing Toxic Emotions and Feeling Whole Again

Releasing Toxic Emotions and Feeling Whole Again

by | Dec 13, 2019 | breakups, Coaching, Communication, Dating, Forgiveness, heartache, keeping the love alive, Love, Relationship, Self-Love, Success

by Gladys Diaz 

Are you really happy?

I ask because, many times women say they are happy when really, underneath, there are other things going on. This is so often what’s blocking them from finding love!

Now, I’m not talking about pretending to be happy. And I’m not saying that you can never be sad. Experiencing happiness, as well as sadness, are both parts of being human. As are feeling disappointed, jealous, angry, joyful, and apathetic. 

These are all human emotions. 

What I am talking about is when these emotions become your “emotional landing place” or your natural state. When feeling sad, angry, disappointed or apathetic become the place you seem to come back to, even after brief moments of happiness or joy, that’s when they’ve become “toxic emotions.” 

An emotion becomes toxic when you allow it to “settle in” and take home in your heart. When you have these toxic emotions that haven’t been worked through, they show up, and usually in ways you don’t like and that push love away. 

Last weekend, at our incredible 2020 Love Vision Event, we coached several women who were dealing with unresolved toxic emotions . When they were triggered, some shut down, others got visibly angry, some allowed the toxic emotions to take over how they reacted and responded, and others were unable to feel anything.  

And we coached them to feel, process, and release the toxic emotions. 

See, when a toxic emotion comes up, it’s usually triggered by a memory or thought of something upsetting.  The thing to remember is that it’s not the current situation that is “causing” the emotions to come up.  Those emotions are already there, under the surface, , so you must feel them so that you can then do the work of releasing them. 

So how do you release toxic emotions? 

1. Feel it. 

As I said, in order to begin the process of releasing toxic emotions, you must feel them. If you’re sad, cry. If you’re angry, punch your pillow. Allow the emotion to be present for a moment, so you can feel it. The problem comes when you bury it.

2. Process it. 

Ask yourself… “What’s causing this? What are the triggers? How is it showing up in other areas of my life? life? What impact is it having? 

Is it causing you to lash out? 

Are you relating to yourself a victim because of it? 

Is it causing you anxiety or depression or nervousness? 

Is it making it difficult for you to connect with people? 

Are people being able to notice the energy of the emotion that’s constantly around you? 

Another place to look to how toxic emotions  may be impacting you is in your body. As Louise Hayes taught in her book You Can Heal Your Body, our emotions have a way of showing up in our bodies. 

Have you suddenly gained or lost weight? Are you having unexplained aches and pains anywhere in your body? Are you having a hard time sleeping?  What is your body telling you? 

Also, look around you. Your life and your space are a reflection of what’s really going on inside you. Is your house a mess? Are you having a hard time keeping your desk organized? Do things seem to keep breaking around you? 

If you’re feeling like something’s off, do a personal inventory and ask yourself:  Where, energetically, am I in breakdown?  “What in my life is out of integrity?

These questions will help you take a self-inventory to see what’s actually going on beneath the surface.

3. Release it. 

Once you’ve  done the work to uncover and discover what is causing the toxic emotion and how it’s impacting you, you can then choose to let it go. You can release the emotion by seeing that you no longer need to experience this emotion.  Whatever triggered the emotion is usually no longer happening,  and you can choose to release it, rather than holding onto it and allowing it to consume you.

Happiness and lightness are what are attractive to others and what makes your body and soul feel good! We have emotions for a reason, and experiencing them is a human condition. 

The key is not being scared of them, wrapping yourself up in them, or indulging in them for too long.  Instead, allow yourself  to feel  them appropriately, process them, and release them so they don’t get stuck, become toxic, and stop you from having and experiencing the happiness and love your heart desires. 

If you’re dealing with toxic emotions and having trouble working through and releasing them, let us help you do the HeartWork to work and break through them.  You don’t have to let the toxic emotions rob you of the life and love you want.  And you don’t have to do this alone. Schedule a Love Breakthrough and set yourself free!

Yes, I want to break free from my toxic emotions!

It’s Possible For You Too.

It’s Possible For You Too.

by | Dec 4, 2019 | Coaching, Dating, Getting engaged, heartache, Intimacy, keeping the love alive, Love, Marriage, Ready to Love Again, Relationship, Self-Love, Success

by Gladys Diaz 

One of the pillars of what we teach –  something that’s absolutely fundamental to creating the passionate, intimate, connected, loving relationship that you desire – is having a crystal-clear vision of what you want. 

And we mean crystal-clear. Not just kinda-sorta knowing what you want. Not just having a list of expectations of what your man must have. And not just having it written it down, but still not really believing that you can have it. 

We’re talking about being able to see it, feel it, taste it, smell it, AND believe that it will happen. 

Without that level of clarity, you will settle for what you think you can get. 

We hear it from clients all the time, 

“What if this is the best I can do?” 

“What if I let this one go and have to wait another 10 years?!” 

“What if what I want is unrealistic?”

“What if it’s just not possible for me?”

I was talking with a client the other day who was telling me about the beautiful vision she has for love. It was a vision of fun and laughter and connection and joy. hen, in the middle of describing it to me, she stopped, and said, “I know, it sounds crazy. There’s no way this is possible. It’s too much” 

Was she asking for a man with 5 hands? No. 

Was she asking for a man that owned 5 islands? No. 

Was she asking for a man with 17 eyes. No.

Now, that is unrealistic (and a little absurd)! 

As we dug deeper, we discovered that a childhood (and lifetime) of feeling like there was never enough and that she was always asking for “too “was the reason she had this limiting belief. She realized what it was costing her to continue holding onto the belief that what she wanted was too much and not possible for her, and she decided that it was time to break through it NOW!

Desiring to have a relationship that is full of fun and laughter and connection and wonderful sex — none of that is too much. Everything about that is possible, AND it’s possible for you. 

Creating that vision and the reality of creating it comes from clarity.

Clarity asks the questions:

“What do I want to experience in the relationship of my dreams?” 

“What am I going to bring to the relationship so that I can experience that?”

“How can I BE the love that I want to see?” 

Clarity is not about knowing what qualities you want your man to have. It’s about knowing what you want to experience in the relationship of your dreams, and then BEing those things. 

BEing the respect you want to experience. 

BEing the love you want to receive. 

BEing the fun. 

BEing the passion. 

And what does BEing look like? 

Taking action. But not just any kind of action.

It means taking the kind of action that is aligned with your vision.

Having all the faith and clarity in the world will get you absolutely nowhere without taking action. 

A vision without action is nothing but a wish. And wishing is not a real strategy for getting what you want.

Which is why we want to invite you to our 2020 Love Vision  Workshop, happening in just a few days. We’l lbe walking you through a deep process to help you actually physically experience the clarity you are seeking. 

But it won’t stop there. 

You will walk away from the event, not just with a crystal-clear vision, but with a PLAN to carry it out. With the actual steps to make it a reality. 

Because it IS possible for you to create the love that you want in 2020. 

Click here to learn how to manifest the relationship you want.

And, in case you’re thinking that 2 days can’t make a difference in what’s possible for you for 2020, I want to share this with you:

Let’s go back to Christmas of 1998. I had just lost my husband in September, and I felt like I was walking through a fog. The holidays seemed so empty without him. I felt alone, and it was hard. 

Just one year later, Christmas 1999, I was in New York City but I wasn’t alone.  I was celebrating Christmas with Ric and both of our mothers. I’ll never forget when he brought out my gift (a beautiful purse) and was fussing about how he hoped I would like it. When I opened it up, I found a beautiful, custom-made engagement ring inside! We’d talked about getting married, so that part wasn’t a surprise. But to have it happen then, on Christmas Eve, with our moms there with us, I was elated!!

SO much can change in just one year. The difference between Christmas 1998 and Christmas 1999 was just one year, but it was day and night for me! 

Trust me when I say, everything you think can’t happen, but you dream might happen, CAN happen in just one year!

And it will, once you have the clarity and the action steps to create it. 

Click here to manifest the love you want in 2020!

Not Feeling Attracted To Anyone??

Not Feeling Attracted To Anyone??

by | Nov 22, 2019 | breakups, Coaching, Dating, Forgiveness, HDI Blog, Heart's Desire International, heartache, Love, Ready to Love Again, Romance

by Gladys Diaz 

Do you have a relationship from the past that you haven’t fully let go of? 

Is there someone that is still holding a piece of your heart?  

Maybe it wasn’t even a recent break-up, maybe it’s been two years, three years or even ten years ago, and it’s still blocking you from moving forward in love. 

If this is you, we hear you! It can be so frustrating when you want to run freely forward without anything from the past holding you back,  but just seem to be stuck. 

If this is you, we know that you want to get unstuck (otherwise, you wouldn’t be reading this right now), but you just don’t know how. 

The first step in letting someone from the past go is understanding how holding onto that person and relationship is impacting you now, in the present. Whenever there’s something from the past that’s still in your space, it won’t  allow you to move forward. 

And how else is it impacting you?

To uncover the impact the past is still having on you, first look at your results. 

What are you currently experiencing? 

Are you going on dates or are you holding back? 

If you are going on dates, are you enjoying the process? 

Look at your last couple of dates. Are there patterns that are presenting themselves? 

Is there something wrong with every single person you  go  out with? 

Are you not attracted to anyone? 

Do you feel disconnected, and, immediately during or after every date,feel like he’s definitely not the one?

No,  you’re not going to be attracted to or want to date  every single person you meet. It’s natural to not be interested in every single man you go on a date with. But, if it seems you aren’t feeling it for anyone then  you may be holding onto someone from the past.

Recently a client expressed frustration with this very thing. She said that while she’s dating, she finds herself comparing every single guy  to her ex. She said he was the best boyfriend and that it was the best relationship she’d ever had. I lovingly pointed out to her that it couldn’t have been “the best,” because they’re not together anymore, and that there was a reason for that. There’s a reason that it didn’t work out, and as long as she keeps romanticizing this past relationship and putting that man on a pedestal, she will never have space for the right man — the one who really will be the best!

Sound familiar? 

If you find yourself having this experience, it’s time to get curious. 

Ask yourself, 

What’s really going on here? 

Why am I not feeling connection? 

Why am I never attracted to anyone? 

What’s really holding me back?

Get curious  

You will start to discover your blind spots by saying, “I wonder…” 

“I wonder if I’m still holding onto the past?” 

“I wonder why I can’t let go?” 

“I wonder what that person represents for me?” 

“I wonder if I’m afraid to move on?”

When it comes to breakups, it  would be weird if you didn’t miss someone that you once spent time with, and it’s normal to take time to grieve. However, sometimes we think that the longer we grieve or the more time we stay stuck, the more validation we give to the relationship. But, how much more time do you want to waste staying safe and alone? 

It’s okay to love someone and let them go.

Letting someone go does not invalidate the love you shared with him, the memories you created together, who he is  as a person, or the lessons the relationship taught you.  

And, just because you shared an incredible love once, doesn’t mean you can never find it (or something even MORE incredible) again.

When I lost my first husband and then found Ric, I realized that there’s more than just one “The One.” There are multiple people on this planet that can make you happy and love you forever! 

But only if you are open to it. 

Only if you are willing to do the HeartWork to bring the past to a close, release it from your mind AND your heart, and open the door to welcome the new love that’s already waiting for you. 

I promise you, there’s a love out there that’s even bigger and better than that person from the past. Someone even bigger and better than you can even imagine. And someone who wants to spend his life with you!

Because of this, Michelle and I would love for you to join us for our 2020 Love Vision Event, happening in just a few weeks!

Click here to say good-bye to the past and create a new and lasting love!

At this event, we’ll be helping you to complete 2019 and step powerfully into 2020 with a crystal-clear vision for love that your heart deeply desires.

We’ll show you the exact steps and tools you’ll need to create and experience that love  right now! 

The process we’ll be taking you through is hands-on, experiential, and transformative. 

We’re going to help you create your Love  Vision, teach you HOW to actually live into it so you can create it in real life in 2020! 

The absolute truth is that in order to open up to a new chapter, you have to complete the past. You take what worked and what didn’t work about that past relationship, release your attachment to the person, take whatever serves you into the future, and let go of everything else.  

It’s time for you to let go of the past and open up to the love that is already waiting for you.

Click here to create the love you want in 2020!

Are You Ready To Get Over It And Move On?

Are You Ready To Get Over It And Move On?

by | Nov 8, 2019 | Coaching, Dating, Forgiveness, heartache, Love, Marriage, Ready to Love Again, Relationship, Self-Love, Success

by Gladys Diaz 

Is your past keeping you from having the future you desire? 

Are you unable to get over an ex, no matter what you do? 

Are you so afraid of getting your heart broken like you did last time, that you’re stopping yourself from being available? 

Are you scared that you’ll choose the wrong man yet AGAIN and end up brokenhearted and? 

Do you see how these are all fears that are being triggered by something you experienced in the past?  

If you don’t overcome your past, your past will be present in your present and impact your future.  Which is a shame, because your past is not a predictor, it’s an informer. 

What does that mean? 

It means that, just because you chose an abusive man in the past, doesn’t mean you will do it again. 

It means that just because your last boyfriend cheated on you and the relationship ended in massive heartache for you, doesn’t mean the next man will do this, too. 

Your past experiences don’t determine what you will continue to experience IF you do the HeartWork to replace the fears that created them. 

We all have fears. We are all humans walking around afraid of what someone else might do to us, worrying we may mess up, or that something might go wrong. Fear is part of the human condition. We can’t eliminate it, but we can learn to overpower it. 

The trick is learning how to break through any patterns of fear and anxiety that are stopping you from living the life and creating the future you desire.   

The crazy thing about fear is that the energy of fear is magnetic. When you are living in a space of fear around anything, you are energetically and subconsciously attracting that to you. This means that until you do the work to release the fear, you WILL continue to experience it. 

So how do you release fear? 

You can learn to release fear by going through our “In-the-Moment Fear Exercise. Trust us, making this exercise a practice you do all the time will change your life. 

Moment of Fear Exercise

1. Recognize what got triggered inside of you.

Realize this:  When you experience a fear, it isn’t  you that got t triggered, something inside of you got triggered —  a past experience, a fear, an anxiety that’s been developed over time. When that thing gets triggered, you can do 1 of 2 things. 

You can…  

a) Go into your automatic response of either blowing up or shutting down (it’s called fight or flight.  We’re sure you’ve heard of it.) 

OR

b) STOP and recognize that something has been triggered and then move on to step 2 in the exercise. 

Note: This acknowledgement happens in a split-second, so it does take some practice to gain the awareness to recognize the trigger in the moment.

2. Ask yourself: What just happened?

It’s important that you answer this question with only the facts about what actually happened, with no interpretation or analysis of the event(s) that just took place. It usually can be answered with as few as 3-10 words.  Anything longer is a clue that you making what happened mean something.

3. Ask yourself: What did I make it mean?

What did you decide it meant when that guy you just went out with didn’t call the next day? 

What did you make it mean when you saw your date going to the bathroom with his phone? 

Did you create the idea that because he didn’t call you it means you’re not dateable? 

Did you decide that because your date took his phone into the bathroom it meant he was texting another girl? 

The majority of the time, whatever is upsetting you, robbing you of your peace, and/or causing you fear is not what actually happened.  What’s upsetting you is whatever you made what mean — about him, you, them, it… everything!

4. Ask yourself: Is that what really happened?

Because our brain cannot tell the difference between what is actually happening and what we’re afraid might or might not be happening, this is the life-altering part of this exercise. 

When you take what you made an experience mean and compare it to what actually happened, you start to see reality and the fear disappears.  

 

Michelle was talking to a client the other day, and walking her through this exercise. A man had asked her what was wrong with her that she is in her 40’s and has never been in a long-term relationship. She made that experience mean that she is a failure in everything in her life, and that it’s never going to work for her. 

As Michelle walked her through this exercise, she did what we all do: find ways to justify what we’ve made it mean. “But I haven’t been in a relationship, so I am a failure!” “My business isn’t working right now, and it never will!. 

Michelle asked her, “Is ‘never’ happening right now?” “Does because it hasn’t’ worked mean it never will?” 

Of course, the answer to these questions is “no,” and once she saw that, she started laughing and her desire to continue the journey in her business and dating was renewed. 

What about you? 

What do you want to experience in your life? What if you took this exercise and put it into action, practicing it over and over until you shifted what you are currently experiencing? 

Overcoming your fears gives you POWER. It gives you absolute power to create anything you desire, in love and beyond. 

Because we desire this for you, PLUS so much more, we have put together an incredible Pre-Black Friday offer that you can grab now! This Love Power Pack includes tickets to our 2020 Love Vision Live Event happening in December, as well as some swag to help you always remember that you are a fierce, feminine, and fabulous and that you have the power to create your love vision NOW.  

Click here to learn more.

Have this be the last Christmas and New Years you spend alone? Come to this event and you may not even be alone this Christmas! How would that feel? 

Don’t let your fears and your past stop you from creating the future you want, including the loving, passionate, extraordinary relationship your heart desires!

Are You Missing Your Opportunity For Love?

Are You Missing Your Opportunity For Love?

by | Nov 6, 2019 | Coaching, Dating, Gratitude, heartache, Intimacy, keeping the love alive, Love, Relationship

by Gladys Diaz 

Do you have “high standards” or “unrealistic expectations?”

Just think about that for a minute…. 

This is a HOT topic that we get asked questions about all the time because it can be confusing. We can trick ourselves into thinking we have high standards, when what we really have are unrealistic expectations that are leading to missed opportunities, heartache in relationships, and unnecessary drama. 

And men don’t like drama! 😉 

So… what’s the difference?

And how can you be sure you know where you are coming from? 

Standards

Standards are aligned with your values. They are based on your beliefs, they are good for your life, and protect you from unnecessary harm and heartache. 

Having standards in dating looks like not dating someone that does drugs or is addicted to alcohol. It also looks like dating someone who has integrity and does what he says he’ll do.

Standards come from inside of you. 

Expectations

Expectations are things that you are “requiring” from someone else and are usually based on a “list” of criteria that you think a person should meet. They are preferences. 

Expectations in dating looks like not dating someone who hasn’t gotten a college education or who doesn’t happen to be an entrepreneur. It looks like not dating someone who has/hasn’t been married before or who does/doesn’t already have kids. It also looks like not dating someone who’s an introvert or who isn’t over 6 feet tall. 

In relationships, it looks like not appreciating the things your man does for you or always making him feel like he has to be a certain way. It looks like expecting your man to love you no matter how you behave, even when you’. 

Expectations are something you’re looking for out there. They have nothing to do with who a person actually is, and everything to do with what you’ve made up about what certain things mean about them. 

Expectations come from fear.

They come from what we saw as a child, what we’ve experienced in other relationships, or from an irrational or imagined fear. 

So, think about it again… in your relationships, and dating are you coming from a set of standards or are you coming from a set of expectations?

How is that affecting your experience of love and relationships?

What is it costing you to have those unrealistic expectations of others?

What are you afraid is/isn’t going to happen if you don’t stick to your expectations? 

We get it. We have both experienced this on both sides of the equation. 

When Michelle was dating after her divorce, she was desperately trying to prove that there was nothing wrong with her. She’d experienced a lot of hurt in her past relationship and wasn’t going to go there again. So, she set expectations. He had to be older, he had to be established in his career, and he also had to be divorced with kids so he’d understand how she felt. 

She set these expectations thinking she was just doing what was best for herself, but she was protecting and not allowing herself to actually  be and get to know the men she was with, which led to a terrible dating experience! 

If she’d stayed committed to those preferences, she would have missed out on being married to the amazing man she’s married to today, because he – who was younger, was in transition between careers, had never been married, or had kids – wouldn’t have even shown up on her radar, because he didn’t meet all of those requirements.  

For me, I remember experiencing this in my marriage. By thinking that my way was the right way, I was constantly making my husband feel like he wasn’t enough. And, while the words, “You’re not enough” NEVER came out of my mouth and I truly thought I was communicating well and just trying to make him better,  it left him feeling unhappy, unsure of himself, and disrespected. 

It makes me emotional just thinking about how I made the man that I love more than anything, and who  I promised to love no matter what, feel any of those things. 

Now, what about you?

What are you currently experiencing in dating and in your relationships? And what do you WANT to experience?

If through reading, you’ve realized that maybe you’re coming more from expectations, it’s okay! You just need to look at that and ask yourself what’s the fear underneath it all that is stopping you from having the experience you want in relationships.

Because once you get to the bottom of the fear, you can start to build up from there. 

During our Love Chat with the Love Twins this week, one of our past clients said this :

“Please listen to the Love Twins! Once I got rid of the superficial requirements for a man…like height, hair and even education!! I concentrated on how do i feel… and I found a man who treats me like a Queen. Thank you Gladys and Michelle your HeartWork… it works!”

We want you to experience the relationship of your dreams. To wake up every morning next to the person you love and who loves you in return.

Don’t let your expectations keep you from having that. Because the person you end up with might surprise you and that surprise will be the best gift you give yourself, IF you allow it to be!

(photo credit: https://onlineforlove.com/)